Sunday, August 9, 2020

Social Distancing Means Self Discovery.

Your thoughts. Your viewpoints. Your loves. Your hates.  Hell, even your cravings at 2 AM in the morning contribute to the reason why so many of us will do almost anything to stay alive. Take this time to learn more about who you are.  You will not get it right the first couple of times because it is a game of trying and failing just to try again.  As you try, however, you will discover how awesome you really are. Then, when you are released back into this “new normal”, you will make a great difference in those you encounter.

Let Her Learn the Hard Way.

Granted, I know this will be extremely hard because you don’t want to see a sistah dear to you go through pain. However, you also know she doesn’t know how to manager her pain, and you must be responsible for your energy. If you take an account of your life you might find that you are having trouble getting things done internally and externally for self because you are drained and hurting. Replenish your energy and protect your emotional state; let her learn.

Do You Need New Friends?

It took me until my 30s to realize why I had issues with keeping effective friendships in my life.  I did not know myself.  I was scared of sharing myself with people.  I also did not know what I wanted, but I expected everyone to read my mind. For the record,  people can not read minds.  Since they can not do that,  I had to learn myself in order for me to develop a love for others.  Now, I’m grateful to have a village of people who I consistently practice reciprocity with.  I take joy in having these people in my life, and I hope you are able to find the same joy.

Exit Stage Left.

I usually internalize it for a long time because I do not believe in saying anything behind the back of someone else. If it comes out before then,  it is in a fit of rage or depression. No one is safe in either situation.  The agony of losing a relationship is really difficult. Then, you have to think about what comes after the loss.  There is the possibility for so many other people and other lessons that can come your way once you finally choose to exit stage left from a damaging relationship.

In Marriage Some Days You Fight for Like.

March 26, 2020 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk

Furthermore, there is a work one should consider doing within themselves before embarking on this journey. Both parties in a marriage are imperfect, and they come together to create excellence in this life. They are a team that functions better every day on the back end of every storm. Eventually like isn’t so hard of a fight because the reality that love is a binding agent becomes real. That doesn’t happen on the wedding day…that will come much later, and the beauty that manifests is worth the process.

Projecting Insecurity is Toxic.

No one is saying the experiences you have should be ignored. You just don’t want to be in a space whereby they control your life and interactions with others. It is important to be able to see yourself as the strong splendid women you are so that this goes before you. Seeing yourself through insecurity means this is the only way you will see others. You will hurt sisters that love and are standing with you, and you can hurt a man that is just trying to love you. Work on healing and killing the insecurity so that you can be free from its clutches, and love freely.

He’s Human.

We are human; black men are human. Our men feel pain, and they cry. They deserve the right to express pain, loss, trauma, and anything else that is heavy in their souls simply because they are human beings. They are crying for the pain of the loss of Kobe Bryant; but I get the feeling these tears are coming from a deeper place. They are tired and they can no longer mask the pain. They are seen by some as animals…but even animals are allowed to feel more than black men. Starting with our little boys…we have to allow them to work through how they feel verses starting a compiling of silent tears that will span into their adulthood. It doesn’t take away from their manhood to feel pain when it comes. They are human.

Believing in BAE After Breakup.

While I can not speak for all of those women, I feel to a certain extent a type of shame.  If I am supposed to be a supportive and empathetic friend,  why are my prejudices hindering me from being able to be that support?  It should not.  I should be able to put my negativity aside to be a pillar for those I love.  This does not mean I am a pushover. I am not going to stand by while those I love are abused or misused. However, I should not compare who I am and what I do to those who are not me.  People who choose to love after divorces or long-term relationships are brave. They are resilient.  They deserve whatever chances the universe, fate, or a higher power have for them.  They have every right to believe in another Before Anyone Else.

If All Men Cheat All Women Cheat.

February 13, 2020 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

If you agree…understand this same position equally applies. We can’t speak of equality in any aspect they pick and choose where it applies. Double standards are a hinderance to progress regardless of where they apply. The bottom line is all men do not cheat, and all women do not cheat. There are people in the world that cheat and it’s a trash move. No one man nor woman deserves to have their trust violated. No one deserved to give their all only to be made to feel less than, and to be taken advantage of. You don’t deserve what that man did to you. There is a man out there that doesn’t deserve what that woman did to him. If neither side can’t see the person if front of them because of their past they need to consider healing before they hurt someone.  The narrative on pain doesn’t belong to just women nor men. Sistas we must fight the urge to lose principle because of the pain we’ve endured.

Teach Your Son.

ALL of our children are precious gifts from the Creator. They all deserve love, peace, protection, and rearing. They must all be taught respect, value, proper interaction with another human being, how to work through trauma in a productive way….and to keep THEIR ands to themselves. Let’s stop making this a one sided argument and keep the same level of expectation and standards for our beautiful little girls and boys so that they become the strength of a people together.

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