(ThySistas.com) During the course of any kind of relationship it is very important to check stubborn pride at the door. One has to be willing to admit when actions and/or words have been hurtful, and offensive. When this happens by it’s important to admit the hurtful behavior, and work towards making a mends. It’s important to listen to what your significant other is explaining to you that you’ve done, or said, something that hurt them. It is important to care about the reaction to your behavior, and any mental distress it causes. One of the quickest ways to relationship discord is unaddressed hurt. No one is perfect, but one must strive to give their best to said relationship. Perfection is something no one should expect in a relationship, but it’s important to treat someone with the compassion you require. When your partner, or family member, come to you regarding hurt you don’t get to tell them “look I didn’t hurt”, unless you didn’t hurt them.

Today we live in a society that pushes the validation of one’s feelings about fact and truth. In this space perception is reality, and that’s all that matters. I doesn’t matter of a person really hurts you, that matters is you feel hurt so they need to acknowledge such. The problem with this is it can in turn injury the other party. Yes, if you actually commit hurt you need not tell your significant other you didn’t. However, if you didn’t offend them, and can even prove such, it is very important that you respectful stand in truth. No one should walk around accepting ridicule when they’ve done nothing wrong.

The opposite position states my feelings are indeed my reality, so my partner should respect my truth, and apologize. Your truth is personal to you, and it doesn’t have to line up to any accuracy because it belongs to you. That doesn’t mean that, outside of you, it will stand. It’s very important to have an open line of communication, especially where misunderstanding is concerned, so one truly knows when they are being hurt.

If your partner doesn’t do thing exactly the way you want it, and you use “hurt” to get them to do as you please…you might be giving the hurt you claim you’ve received. Furthermore, this concept is dangerous in the hands of a narcissist. A narcissist will manipulate you into believing you hurt them, and you can’t tell them you did not, when I’m fact they are hurting you. They are the masters of twisting a situation by with they are inflicting harm to they are the victim. In that sense you would need to take a stand, and confront the fact that you are not hurting them regardless of their persuasion otherwise.

No one deserves to be hurt, and disregarded, in a relationship. Yet, no one deserves to be falsely accused and forced to apologize because the feelings of one person is more important that what’s actually taking place in a situation. Furthermore, no one should feel communicating respectfully, but truthfully, for fear of being told they are hurtful. In this space any relationship is in danger. If you committed hurt by all means humble yourself and try to make it right. However, if you didn’t please don’t sit back and become a scapegoat for someone’s feelings. Just as they would deserve better so do you.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

(ThySistas.com) Anxiety disorder is real, and there are millions of people living with it. Some are managing medically, and there are many that have no diagnosis but have all the symptoms. It is important that we have understanding and compassion for our sisters struggling with anxiety. Some of them live every waking moment in fear, and many desire to get better but struggle with how to do so. Having a loved one that has anxiety disorder requires patience. It’s important to know they aren’t trying to be negative, and they don’t want to be afraid. They need to be able to talk to sisters in their community, and receive support verses ridicule. They are not outcasts…they are our sisters, and they need us to be there for, and with them.

The problem lies with those that would dare use anxiety as a method to harm others. It is despicable to use a real illness as a way to inflict verbal, and even physical damage on others. its’s not a tool for manipulation so that you may always have your way, and woe is it unto those that stand up to tell you that the behavior is wrong. Sisters that use anxiety for these purposes make it hard for those that are actually battling with the illness. Every anxiety attack doesn’t cause you to throw objects at someone, and every trigger is not someone not doing what you want them to do the way you want it done. This behavior is abusive, and in some cases narcissistic.

Some people that have loved ones with anxiety disorder research the illness and go to appointments with them, so they can better understand how to be supportive. If they are taking the time to learn…they may be able to discern real from fake. It is unfortunate when someone with deep anxiety calls out someone for not being genuine in their claim. Don’t use a known illness to deceive and harm others.

Lastly, there are those of us (myself included), that truly suffer from anxiety disorder that have to try to care about our support system. It may be hard, but you know you lashed out during an anxiety attack and hurt someone that love you and was just trying to help…apologize. Its’s not their fault you are battling with anxiety disorder just like it’s not your fault. However, they love you regardless of the disorder. Just because they understand doesn’t mean being the ill placed object of your anger won’t hurt. They may take the abuse because they know you are hurting, and battling with a disorder, but it’s okay to care about their feelings. It is a known fact that the people closest to you will often bare the brunt of your frustration with said disorder. Spouses, children, friends and family usually end up taking the heat. The don’t do so because you are a burden…they are with you because they love you. Don’t forget to love them back.

I had to learn how hurtful my words could be during an anxiety attack depending on the trigger. I realized my best friend who, as an only child, was the only sister I ever had was sinking into depression in part because I berated her so often when dealing with my anxiety. I was pushing away the one person I knew loved me that I could truth. Though I acknowledge my anxiety disorder she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I had to realize its not all about me, and that I’m not the only person in life going thorough pain. I’ve learned how to better manage my condition, and I take the time to appreciate my sister. I actively love on her, and uplift her…regardless of how I’m feeling. I will never forget that as she was experiencing loss…I wasn’t there for her because all I could see was my anxiety. She never left me alone, and I won’t allow her to alone ever again as long as I’m here.

One way to manage anxiety is trying to get out of your own head. Putting your focus on the people around you, and the positive energy they are pouring into you may actually help you deal with the disorder.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

(ThySistas.com) A wife is a powerful position in the life of a man. She is more than a lover and mother…she is counsel. She has the perfect remedy to sooth the pain of her husband in ways no one can…not even his mother. With that being said wives it is important to understand you cannot fix everything. There are times when we must simply back off. Women and men are definitely different, and we process information differently. It’s one thing to be a comfort to our spouse, but sometimes we must let it hurt. This is not because we desire such…but because there are times when he must find his way on his own. If we are not careful we’ll find ourselves mothering our husband, and regardless of intention, this can lead to problems in your marriage.

We all know that the dignity of a man is an intricate part of who he is, and if we truly understand our man we must know how far we can go with our council. Sometimes, depending on what he is facing, we must allow him to process his situation on his own terms. Let’s be honest as women we are not always the best at this. We often want our spouse to feel better immediately, or we want him to talk about it as soon as possible because that’s what we would do. There are times it’s not even about him, but it makes us feel bad to see him going through hardship, and we want to be relieved of that feeling so we push.

Wanting to see our King happy is positive, but we can’t expect him to behave as we would. Changing a man should never be the goal; we should love him for the man he is…and can be. Sometimes the best support we can give will come through the avenue of prayer and/or meditation. There are times we must direct out strong positive energy towards our husband to help assist his issue resolve and peace. Even though he may be quiet he is very aware of your presence.

Mothers try to fix everything; wives support through everything. If your husband doesn’t talk as much as you would like this is the wrong time to press and cause a fight. When things such as: loss, betrayal, self-doubt, and spiritual conflict occur we cannot fix it. We want our man to know we love, support and lift him up. Let him come to you when he is ready to talk. Don’t make it about you as though he’s mad at you or shutting you out…especially when he tells you he is conflicted and just need some time to get his head together. In this area lets avoid being selfish realizing our men have feelings that need to be respected. This is in no way saying abandon your man when he needs you most.

This is a reminder that we are powerful, but there are limits to our reach even as wives. There are times when time, and meditation must be allowed to work out a matter. In these times we must trust the heart of our spouse, and his strength as a man. You never want to send the message that you don’t believe in his ability to stand through adversity…this is counterproductive to peace. The fact that we cannot fix everything is quite okay.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

(ThySistas.com) I know this may not be a popular position, but it’s far time we acknowledge a bit of truth regarding prayer. Ladies, this is an area where by we can be a blessing to the community. Many of us have been taught that knowing the truth can lead to freedom. With that being said either we don’t know…or we are not being completely honest regarding prayer. Don’t get me wrong…prayer is necessary, and powerful. With that being said we don’t get the same results when we are dormant in actions, and overrun with fear.

Many of us have heard the scripture “Faith without works is dead.” However we must be honest…it gets an amen in church, and we can definitely quote it to others; practicing thus principle in our own life is indeed another matter. We cannot dismiss this problem as: advice is easier to give than to live. There are requirements necessary to see a movement in our life as a result of prayer. One of the most important things to know about prayer is it is not very useful on its own. Prayer requires corresponding action. If you find yourself praying about health, but aren’t willing to make the necessary adjustments you won’t see results. It’s very easy to say maybe God didn’t hear me, God will answer me in his time, or God may be punishing me. The issue may very well lie in the lack of “works”.

There is a lot going on in our society and country. We can no longer tell people the problem is we need to return to prayer without also moving them to action. Yes, praying about the issues plaguing our children is important; it is equally import to train our children and mentor kids. If we are not willing to work our prayers are lacking. So many of us discredit our beliefs by not following them. Some that question Christianity focus in on amount of time in prayer, and yet nothing seems to change. Church elders are screaming pray, pray pray, but they are not forcing the issue on “works’’ at the same rate. Yes, it is a fact…prayer was taken OUT of the schools hence the moment of silence. But, schools have religious organizations where prayer, and how one lives should be in balance. We can’t expect the young people to do this if those leading do not.

Truth be told faith, by Christian standards, is necessary to receive from God. So faith is necessary for effective prayer. Too many of us do not believe in what we claim. It’s cool to talk about it, but when adversity comes…what faith. Too many of us act and speak from a position of fear. This means that many of us go to our knees in prayer full of fear which cancels faith. If Christianity is what we believe then we have to study the Word, and additional texts, for ourselves. Some of us look at our grandparents and elders wonder why their prayers seem to get response. So many of them lived like what they petitioned of God is so. Many of them knew Mark 11:23 and it is how they live. They just seemed so fortified, and unmoved…they believed what they were claiming.

Prayer is a powerful tool. However, it requires action… “works” to have the necessary effect. Every situation is different, but principle is an equalizer. We must do more than pray. We must live a life of character and integrity. We must act upon what we claim to believe. We must study for ourselves to understand this thing we know as prayer. Pray, then get and work toward the thing you are praying for. If we just stay on our knees and do nothing…nothing will happen. This isn’t because God can’t hear us…it’s because “Faith without works is dead” literally.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

(ThySistas.com) As a black woman, I truly believe God made no race of women stronger. My perspective does not stop me from appreciating women of other races, and ethnicities. However, I choose to acknowledge the strength, grace, beauty, and mystical nature that is black women. With that being stressed there is something sisters we must discuss, and that is the ideal of Queen…or Queendom. It’s time we have a heart to heart about it before we destroy thrones that we are meant to inherit. If we are bluntly honest we know every sister is NOT a Queen.

Queendom is more than being just a strong black woman. That title is not simply for women with degrees, wealthy bank account, nor wives. It is not for the indecisive, nor for those that refuse to move past the roadblocks in their life. We must understand to be a Queen requires a sister to be above the may lay, and she must be willing to stand above reproach. To make the best decisions in the situations she finds herself faced with, and she must be willing to sacrifice for what she believes in.

So many of our sisters are running with the logic respect me because I’m a Black Queen, and they are literally admonishing and demanding black men honor their Queendom. I love the self-esteem, and the positive affirmation over one’s life, but you must do more than that. Sisters you must first believe in your own Queendom, and in doing so it will require to set some order to your realm. “Every Queen isn’t the same”. That is true when it comes to preference and individuality…not principle. If your realm is not to fall to confusion and disarray there must be order, standards and boundaries. Sound decisions will not come from a mental space riddled in confusions and contradictions. Believe me there are men that need to evaluate the usage of King for these same principle reasons when it comes to leadership, but that’s for a men’s meeting. If you don’t respect your own Queendom, you can’t get angry with black men for not respecting, or acknowledging, what they can’t see…or what they view as a walking contradiction.

Queens are treated with the utmost respect regardless of their individualities. Things are done for them not because they aren’t strong enough to do for themselves, but simply because it is an honor to serve them. We need to understand this when we allow white women to use our energy and essence for their feminist fight. I have seen sisters stand in a crowded room and when a brother takes notice, and offers her his seat she accuses him of objectifying her. I’ve seen men hold open the door only to be told “I can do that for myself”. Well, sisters are you Queen or commoner? That is one you truly need to mediate on. Men will want to serve you, and treat you according to your mantle if you insist on being a Queen…that does not make you less of a woman. Make up your mind. Know that just as the nature of black and white women are different…so shall our embodiments be of constitutes the very nature of a Queen.

Whether you are a Queen choosing to stand alone…or one awaiting a King you must implement standards. It’s quite easy to have standards for the man, but it would be wise if you start with self. How you carry yourself, handle your business, the amount of integrity you have, how much truth you live in, your standard of loyalty, and implementation of order will scream who and what you are before the man ever arrives. Yes, some women will hate, but there will be some that desire to understand your nature as a Queen when the above-mentioned flow in a positive energy. None of us are perfect, but Queens aren’t such because they call it. This is the very nature of their being, and they must earn that aura.

Queens are the epitome of grace, mystic, manner, control, accountability, and continued growth. Her path isn’t perfect but she grows from mistakes, and she masters challenges. Queendom doesn’t mean she deals with foolishness from others; it’s quite the opposite as Queens are not to be trifled with. She is not insecure in the strength of her womanhood, so a man catering to her very existence doesn’t make her feel objectified nor belittled. She is graceful in recognizing when she is being honored. When Queens are walking even the brothers that aren’t Kings take notice, and they are strengthened by her presence though they aren’t worthy of her. Sisters you must decide because you can’t be ratchet, drama filled, indecisive, void of accountability, and addicted to insecurity while screaming respect my Queendom.

Everything comes with a price, and to be Queen is to face your past, pain, hurt, and challenges head on. It is to evolve from that previous place, and you must be in control of, and accountable to, yourself. Queens exude order…they don’t repel such. If you claim to be a Queen don’t just say it…please walk in it. Our people are in dire need of the Queens. We need the healing and magic only they can wield. Furthermore, the over saturation of the use of the title without its energy threatens to diminish the respect it invokes. If you can’t handle the weight of the crown there is no shame in such. All a Queen will ask is that you purpose to earn it, or please put it down.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

(ThySistas.com) Every single human being is entitled to their feelings about any given matter. These feelings can be positive, negative, or indifferent. Feelings can be warnings, and sometimes they can be a defense mechanism that enable us in the worse way.  It is very important that we not only understand our feelings, but learn how to navigate them. Feelings unchecked can harm others, and create a false sense of reality. Ones feelings should have a primary boundary, and that is truth. Far too often how one feels is submitted in a situation as though it’s fact. Language, concepts, and facts are being abused for the sake of feelings. It’s easy to see on a national level when engaging with subjects such as politic, religion, and race. Too any people want their feelings to validate them in any given situation. Basically, how one feels is what makes them right in the stances they take. This is so far from the truth. Feelings have destroyed lives, families, and communities. There are times feelings can even cause you to forfeit the bag.

Feelings without reason nor understanding can lead to hypocrisy, failed relationships of all sorts, and a false sense of what is and is not right. Personal experience is steeped in feelings, and if not careful how you feel based on your experience can cause the wrongful judgment of others. How many times have we stated “that’s just how I feel” when trying to argue a position? Think about it. Some of us have cursed all men or women to hell because of how we feel. Some have been abused and exposed to toxic behavior because of the way we feel. Sometimes we aren’t able to absorb information that would allow us to make an informed decision, or position, because feelings get in the way. If one isn’t careful feelings will become the lie that one uses to justify why they have behaved in an unfavorable manner. So, you felt disrespected in a space by which you were uninformed and initially disrespectful; when the truth was told it didn’t defend you so it had to be wrong. No, in that moment you were wrong…regardless of your feelings.

How you feel is not a pass to mistreat others. Please take a moment to stop, and re-read that statement. Having a bad day, not feeling well, dealing with past hurt, annoyed with the direction of your life, upset with another, upset with God…regardless of what is wrong, none of these things gives one the right to mistreat another. Emotional intelligence is a very important skill to work on in one’s own personal life, not just at work. There is nothing wrong with getting help to manage feelings and emotions so that you are a more balanced person. The people in your life that love you will appreciate you for taking the time to heal so that you are better for yourself and others.

Feelings can also enforce anti-intellectual positions in various spaces such as places of worship and activism. Age doesn’t always make you right…regardless of your feeling on the matter. Years and feelings are not replacements for objective diverse study of a matter. If you want to argue with someone about religious beliefs you can’t just go on how you feel. You’d need to be able to logically, and rationally back up your position. You can’t expect someone to concede to your position regarding politics or race relations simply because you were alive, and an age of understanding, when Dr. King was alive. You must the time to study, research, and be humble and open enough to hear from others that are doing the work and can add to the discussion. We are never to old to learn more. Titles don’t mean we know it all…even though we might feel like as though we do.

I remember my dad instructing: “get out of your feelings and look at the situation truthfully even if you don’t like it…your dislike doesn’t change the truth”. This is wisdom that I share often. You have a right to your feelings, but your feelings don’t change the truth. Your hurt, anger, embarrassment, fear, or concern doesn’t change the matter. It is important to sees matters and people aside from your feelings. Hear what is said on a matter without hearing it through the filter of your feelings. Read about what is happening in the world around you from an objective perspective. This doesn’t erase your feelings, but it does give you a better chance of being fair with yourself, and others.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

(ThySistas.com) Spirituality is vital to existence regardless of ones acknowledgement, or knowledge of such. In such a space everything has a purpose. There is no such thing as mundane action and movement. Everything that we do that has an effect on our natural space effects our spiritual existence. Understanding is key to spirituality. It can’t be governed in the same manner that we handle day to day routines. Our belief systems and how they are practiced is not just a repetitious action that satisfies our ability to be able to speak in certain spaces. The routine is not in place to give us the right to judge and condemn others…its no there for hypocrisy sake. Within Christian circles we are still fussing about routine verses deliberate action. Why do you make it your business to get to church every week? Do you invite others and if so, why? Does attendance in the house of worship make you better, or holier than the next brother or sister in Christ? Does the disciple to show up every week equate to salvation? These are just some of the questions that one can have with self to determine if mid course corrections need to be made so that church more of than merely attendance.

If you believe in heaven and hell, you might be shocked at who you see in heaven. There very well may be brothers and sisters there that did not attend service every Sunday. Many factors could contribute to that from work, to illness, to difficulty getting there. The problem arises when we feel one’s routine validates us before the eyes of the congregation. Hate to break it to you, but when dealing with spirituality that’s not how this works at all. Every action serves a purpose. Church should be more than just something you have to say you did. It should be a path to greater understanding of God’s word. It can be a time where you acknowledge the need for corporate prayer, praise, and worship. It’s a space whereby we can receive exultation, healing balm, and instruction. There should always be a purpose as to why we enter places of worship, in part because it informs our spirit to where we are as we are advocated for in another space.

Unfortunately, church has become mere mundane routine passed of as holiness. It has become, for some, a sharp weapon used to judge the salvation and sanctification of others. Why one should assemble in the congregation, and the power of that assembly is lost in that moment. People know the difference between being asked “did you go to church” as a question of concern, verses rebuke or judgement. It is understood that every “church” is not a place of love and healing. Some of them are toxic whereby the spirit of hurt, harm, abuse, and blatant misinterpretation of sacred scripture for the purpose of control exist. Even knowing this some would rather you call into those places for the sake of saying you went to church. That is dangerous and too many don’t recover from that exposure to evil…as they were completely vulnerable when it happened. I know this is will be an unpopular statement, but going to church every Sunday will not guarantee your place in heaven. Though that is uncomfortable for some, it is the truth.

No one is saying don’t go to church. No one is saying it is not important. What is being addressed is the motive. Why we do what we do, our intention, especially when dealing with spiritual matters is important. Furthermore, it is out life actions and works that will draw others. This seems to be forgotten in too many spaces. Take the time to set your intention when entering the house of worship and let that shine through your spirit. Allow others around you to see your genuine care for their spiritual state as they see you tend to your own state. There is always to be love…an active growing love and care. This is more than routine which can become mindless and lead to ugliness. Care about where that soul ends up to get the help they need. Want better for them even if, for the moment, it’s virtual church service as there really are spiritual deserts out here. Church is more than routine…it should be a gateway to the spiritual needs while standing as an example of how life should be nurtured.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

(ThySistas.com) Black women usually somewhere between our late 30s and early 40s start to realize that emotional maturity isn’t just something people talk about in self‑help books. It’s a real, lived practice. A discipline. A choice we have to make over and over again, especially when life, family, work, and relationships pull at us from every direction. And one of the biggest lessons that keeps circling back is this: our feelings are valid, but they are not always wise enough to lead.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to tell anybody to “be strong” in that tired, dismissive way the world loves to throw at Black women. We’ve carried enough. We’ve swallowed enough. We’ve been told to “calm down,” “relax,” “stop being emotional,” and “be the bigger person” more times than we can count. That’s not what this is about. What I’m talking about is something deeper — something rooted in self‑respect, self‑protection, and self‑awareness.

Because the truth is, we feel deeply. We love deeply. We hurt deeply. And sometimes those emotions rise up so fast and so strong that they try to take the wheel before we’ve even had a chance to breathe. But just because a feeling shows up loud doesn’t mean it deserves the microphone. Giving those feelings the microphone can kill relationships and even land us in the hospital or jail.

One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is to learn how to sit with a feeling before we act on it. Not suppress it, pretend it’s not there, nor shame ourselves for having it. Just sit with it. Let it breathe. Let it explain itself. Let it pass through without letting it drag us into decisions we’ll regret later.

Because knee‑jerk reactions? Whew. They feel good in the moment, but they can cost us more than we realize. A job opportunity. A relationship, friendship, peace, reputation…our credibility. And sometimes, the hardest pill to swallow is that even when we’re right, even when the facts are on our side, the way we respond can overshadow the truth we’re trying to stand on.

I’ve learned, especially in my 40s, that being in control of my emotional state doesn’t make me weak… it makes me powerful. It allows me to speak firmly without yelling. It allows me to set boundaries without burning bridges. It allows me to make decisions that are consistent, not chaotic. It keeps me from being tossed around by every irritation, every misunderstanding, every moment of disrespect.

And let’s be honest: some situations really do require us to pause. To breathe, process, and cry if we need to. To journal, pray, and call a sister‑friend who won’t hype us into foolishness but will remind us who we are. That pause is not weakness. That pause is wisdom. That pause is protection.

We can’t tell young women not to fight in the street if we’re still fighting in the boardroom, the group chat, or the family text thread. We can’t tell them to “use their words” when our own words are cutting, impulsive, or fueled by unprocessed hurt. Growth requires consistency. Accountability. And sometimes, humility.

And let me say this plainly: controlling your verbal response is one of the hardest parts of emotional maturity. Especially when you know you’re right. Especially when someone has disrespected you. Especially when you feel misunderstood or dismissed. But sometimes the most expensive thing in the room is the sentence you’re about to say. Sometimes silence is the strategy. Sometimes restraint is the win. Sometimes walking away is the real flex.

This doesn’t mean we let people walk over us. It doesn’t mean we shrink. It doesn’t mean we stop advocating for ourselves. It means we choose our battles with intention. It means we respond from clarity, not chaos. It means we protect our peace like it’s an asset — because it is.

As Black women, we are often expected to be emotional caretakers for everyone around us — partners, children, coworkers, siblings, parents, entire communities. But part of our personal growth is learning that we don’t have to absorb everything. We don’t have to react to everything. We don’t have to carry everything. We get to choose how we show up.

And when we choose to lead with emotional discipline — not suppression, not denial, but discipline — we become more stable, more grounded, and less prone to drama that drains us. We become women who can be trusted with responsibility, leadership, and influence. We become examples for the younger women watching us, whether they’re our daughters, nieces, mentees, or the girls in our neighborhoods who see more than we think.

Putting our emotions in their proper place isn’t about silencing ourselves. It’s about strengthening ourselves. It’s about honoring our feelings without letting them sabotage our future. It’s about becoming the kind of woman who can feel deeply and still choose wisely.

And that, sistahs is real growth.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

(ThySistas.com) Re‑establishing discipline, or building it for the very first time, is one of those journeys that looks simple on paper but feels deeply personal when you are actually living it. Especially for us as Black women, moving through a world that constantly asks for more than it gives, discipline is not just about routines and checklists. It is about reclaiming ourselves. It is about remembering that we deserve steadiness, structure, and softness at the same time. And it is about learning to trust that we can show up for ourselves even when life has stretched us thin.

When I talk to women in our community, I hear the same quiet confession over and over… “I know what I need to do, I just cannot seem to stay consistent.” And I always tell them, you are not broken, you are not lazy, you are not lost. You are simply human, carrying a load that was never meant to be carried alone. Discipline is not a personality trait; it is a practice. It grows with you, not ahead of you.

Sometimes discipline slips because life has been loud. You may have been in survival mode for so long that structure feels foreign. You could have been pouring into everybody else and forgot what it feels like to pour into yourself. Maybe you are healing, grieving, rebuilding, or just trying to catch your breath. Whatever your story is, you deserve compassion while you find your rhythm again.

One thing I have learned in my short existence is that discipline becomes sustainable when it is rooted in honesty. Not the polished honesty we give the world, but the quiet truth we whisper to ourselves. The truth that says, I am tired and I need help. It says, I want better for myself but I am scared I will fall off again. When you start from that place, you are no longer forcing discipline, you are nurturing it.

Start small. I know that sounds cliché, but it is real. We love a big transformation story, but the truth is that sustainable discipline grows from tiny choices repeated over time. Five minutes of stretching in the morning. Drinking water before your coffee. Cleaning one corner of your home instead of the whole room. Reading two pages instead of a whole chapter. These little moments build trust. They remind your body and your spirit that you can follow through.

Do not underestimate the power of environment. Discipline is not just about willpower; it is about designing a life that supports the woman you are becoming. That might mean putting your phone in another room at night, keeping your journal on your pillow, setting out your vitamins where you can see them, or choosing friends who speak life into your goals. You do not have to fight yourself every day. You can set yourself up to win.

Another thing we do as Black women is try to discipline ourselves through shame. We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to a friend. We say things like, “I should be further along,” or “I always mess up,” or “I am so inconsistent.” But shame does not create discipline, it creates avoidance. You cannot bully yourself into a better life. You have to encourage yourself into one. You have to speak to yourself with the same softness you give everybody else.

And let me say this gently… discipline is not punishment. It is not a rigid schedule that squeezes the joy out of your days. Nor is it a constant grind that leaves you exhausted. Discipline is a form of care. It is a way of saying, I matter enough to create a life that supports me. It is a way of honoring your future self, the woman you are becoming, the woman you deserve to be.

You will experience days when you fall off. There will be mornings when you oversleep, evenings when you skip the gym, weeks when your routine unravels. That does not mean you failed. It means you are alive. Sustainable discipline is not about perfection; it is about returning. Returning to your intentions, your practices, and to yourself. Every time you come back, you strengthen the muscle.

Also do not forget community. We were never meant to do life alone. Sometimes discipline grows best when you have people around you who hold you accountable with love. A friend who checks in on your goals. A group chat where you celebrate small wins. A sister circle where you can be honest about your struggles without judgment. Community makes discipline feel less like a burden and more like a shared journey.

So if you are trying to re‑establish discipline, or build it for the first time, give yourself grace. You are not starting from nothing; you are starting from life experience. You are wiser now, and you know yourself better. You know what drains you and what feeds you. You know what you want your life to feel like. Let that guide you.

Discipline is not about becoming a new woman, it is about supporting the woman you already are. And she is worthy of consistency, care, and commitment. She is worthy of routines that nourish her. She is worthy of a life that feels steady. She is worthy of showing up for herself again and again. You are capable of this, ready for this, and you deserve discipline that will move forward with you.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

(ThySistas.com) Life has a way of humbling us, stretching us, and sometimes knocking the wind right out of our spirit. And for many Black women in our middle years, that truth hits a little deeper. We’ve lived enough life to know joy and heartbreak, triumph and disappointment, clarity and confusion. We’ve carried families, communities, and responsibilities on our backs while trying to hold ourselves together with whatever strength we had left. And somewhere along the way, some of us lost sight of our own dreams.

Some of us grew up in homes where love was complicated, survival came before self-discovery, our voices were silenced before we even learned how to use them. Those early wounds can shape the way we move through the world, making us doubt our worth, our abilities, and our right to want more. Others of us made decisions we regret—choices born out of fear, pressure, or simply not knowing any better at the time. In this ignorance is never bliss, and consequence can fall upon us regardless of what we know impacting our life path.  And then there are those who faced illness, trauma, or life-altering setbacks that forced everything to pause. When your body or mind betrays you, it can feel like the whole world is moving forward without you. You often wonder if you will ever be able to catch up to life, and the longer you are ill the more discouraged you become.

And then one day, you look up and realize you’ve been living a life that doesn’t feel like yours. Maybe you’ve been letting other people steer your story—family, partners, employers, society. Maybe you’ve been shrinking yourself to keep the peace or dimming your light so others won’t feel uncomfortable. You’ve been so busy being dependable that you forgot what it feels like to be fulfilled.

Here’s the truth that matters most: it is never too late to start over. Not at 35, not at 45, not at 55, not at 65. Never. Black women have a long, powerful history of blooming on their own timeline. Some of the most influential, creative, and impactful women in our culture didn’t find their stride until later in life. They didn’t let age, circumstance, or past mistakes stop them. They didn’t let the world’s expectations define their future. They simply decided to begin. And that decision changed everything.

You deserve that same chance.

Starting over doesn’t require perfection. It doesn’t require a clean slate or a flawless past. It doesn’t require approval from anyone. It only requires willingness. A quiet, steady willingness to choose yourself. To choose your joy. To choose your purpose. To choose the dream that’s been tugging at your heart for years.

And yes, it might be hard. Growth often is. You may have to unlearn old patterns, set boundaries you’ve never set before, or walk away from people who benefited from your silence. You may have to rebuild your confidence piece by piece. You will have to face the parts of your story that still sting. But you can do it. You’ve already survived things that would have broken someone else.

What you’re reaching for now isn’t just a dream…it’s a reclamation. It’s you taking back your narrative. It’s you deciding that your life still has chapters left to write. It’s you choosing to live with intention instead of obligation.

The beauty of it all is that your journey won’t just transform you. One day, another Black woman—maybe younger, maybe older, maybe standing at her own crossroads—will see your courage and feel something awaken in her. She’ll see you starting over, choosing joy, pursuing purpose, and she’ll think, “If she can do it, maybe I can too.” Your decision to rise could be the spark that lights someone else’s path. That’s legacy. Not just what you leave behind, but what you inspire while you’re still here.

Don’t talk yourself out of the dreams that keep tapping on your spirit. Don’t let fear convince you that your time has passed. Don’t let anyone—family, friends, partners, coworkers—tell you that you’re reaching too high or wanting too much. They don’t get to decide what’s possible for you. You are allowed to reinvent yourself. You are allowed to dream again. You are allowed to choose a life that feels meaningful, joyful, and aligned with who you truly are. And you are allowed to begin today.

Your story isn’t over. It’s unfolding. And this next chapter might just be the one that finally feels like home.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.