Thursday, June 20, 2024

Sex With Your Ex.

September 21, 2022 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( When my ex and I split, it was like someone had taken my oxygen. Over the course of a year we tried to reconcile several times and the final attempt came when I was the one who said, enough is enough. I had finally gotten tired of the drama. Time passed like they do in the movies and after receiving a phone call from him, we found ourselves at a bar laughing and sharing jokes as if we never had a bad history.

The snow on the ground could melt by the warmth that was brewing between the two of us. It was the eye contact, the slightest grin that had us both going down memory lane. ”Remember when’s” turned into “what happened” and “what if’s?” The simple brush of his leg against mine and vice versa had us quietly wondering where the night would end. He was sexy again, he smelt sexy again. He didn’t look stressed. He talked as if he had reinvented the swagger he possessed the day I met him. I was just as confident again.


I’m not sure whom we were fooling when we both said we just wanted to be friends again. That’s the line we fed each other when it was time to say goodnight. But goodnight turned into good morning. I admit, what happened that night after one too many drinks was magical. There aren’t too many experiences that compare to it but the shame that followed the next morning had me telling myself I deserved better. When I awoke the next morning, I looked over at him and wondered what I’d gotten myself into. We had been here before, several times. Every time we physically re-connected it would only be a few days after, that we both turned into the monsters we hated. He became possessive and I became a version of me that I just didn’t like. A slave to his love I guess. So what would make this time different? Absolutely nothing.

I’m not sure if it were fear or just maturity that got me out of that bed and had me tiptoeing out to return home. Of course I still loved him but if I’ve learned anything, having sex too soon is a recipe for disaster. It never gave us time to get pass our BS. We never found ourselves talking through and planning out ways to not make the same mistakes. We always jumped back in the bed and hoped everything would change. It never did and the problems were always there. And we didn’t have major problems. We had small problems that we could just not figure out how to get through. But they started adding up and separation made more sense.

But one thing that never stopped, well two, was that we really did love each other and we were great in bed together. And those two things made life so complicated. I didn’t want to give it up, even though I knew the rest of us needed work.

Why is sex with your ex so great?

Sex with your ex is great because you two know each other’s body so well that the pleasure is effortless. Sex with your ex is so great because it feels safe and while it’s occurring – it feels right. It’s also because you probably still love your ex. When you take time apart, it really gives people a chance to miss each other and the desire to be different. So people actually commit to being different but in many instances, it’s just a show and they truly aren’t capable of changing. They’re still the same person; they just put new on clothes.

The main problem — sex with your ex isn’t healthy. It’s like skinning your knee and picking at it before it completely heals. Sex with your ex is a sure way to never get him/her out of your system and out of your life. You have to ask yourself a few questions: How can you move on with someone else when you’re secretly creeping with your ex? Are you two going to be sleeping with other people? Are you two just sleeping with each other or hoping to get back together at some point?

A lot of people have said, “Having sex with my ex is better than not having sex at all!” And that’s a fair position to take, just be sure that you have a plan B and that you don’t get lost in a fantasy. A lot of ex-couples that continue to have sex never get back together. You’re babysitting each other’s g-spots until the one intended for you comes along. Hopefully you won’t miss out on an emotional ecstasy because you’re still chasing your ex’s physical capabilities. Don’t block your blessings and stunt your own growth.

This is the stuff they don’t teach you, real life lessons.

Staff Writer; Ashley Grayson

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