Friday, December 8, 2023

Sometimes Shame is Self-Inflicted.

December 7, 2021 by  
Filed under Health & Wellness, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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( There is often a vast difference between what is and what should be. This also means there are many things you can do technically speaking, but that doesn’t mean you should do it. This concept gets to the root of decision making. With adulthood comes decision making in every aspect of our life that we must be accountable to, and even If we aren’t willing to be accountable consequence is inevitable. There are too many of us walking around talking about being judged, trying to smudge & burn away bad energy, and speaking about being shamed that invited these things into our lived solely based on the decisions we make.

It’s funny how one can be on social media and see a meme where someone captions “they chose violence”; though its often times funny or has us nodding in agreement there are more things being chose than violence. The culture of “I need to be seen”, and “everything I do needs to be seen” is an invitation to judgment, but more so shame. Don’t get me wrong there are various forms of shame that can attack of that have absolutely nothing to do with us. I will acknowledge that, and it is pretty bad in this world. With that said, lets look at what we can do to eliminate the shame we invite.


Discretion feels like an outdated word. While we are all telling others, and self, to mind the business that pays…that’s pretty hard to do when the business is so readily thrown into the public. The thing is, when you dispense information into the universe you are not able to control the response. Just as you have the right to hit post, someone else has the right to comment. We aren’t talking about a cyberbully. What I’m speaking of is the free speech rights of another person to speak on what you do or how you do it because shared in an open public space. This is something we don’t like being told because sub-consciously we want our right at the expense of the rights of others. This might not be what we have in mind…but when we share, we aren’t expecting or wanting push back. However, anytime you hit post pushback is a possibility.

Sharing ever aspect of your life, leaving nothing simply for you, leaves you open to the shame and ridicule of others, and as hard as it might be to digest it can be deemed as self-inflicted. As some point you decided it was okay to make everyone privy to your business, your decisions, how you move, everything you do, and everything you think. There isn’t healthy as it can appear you seek validation. Unfortunately, many people will sit back and watch your life and they will shame you openly, or merely sit back and pray for your demise. Either way this caused you to feel shamed, unloved, and eventually like something is wrong with you…and how you choose to live your life. You don’t owe anyone your story, testimony, thoughts or how you move. All of that information should be earned.

We live in a society that speaks out of both sides of its neck. It will say show us everything, and then shame you for doing so. It’s okay to keep somethings for yourself sharing in more spaces that you can trust, with people that truly have a heart for you. You might find that you question yourself less when there are less people involved in how you move. One thing to consider, you will find that you have a clearer vision and more peace when discretion is exercised. People can’t shame what’s dear to you when they can’t find it. Its bad enough shame is something we all encounter, but if we can minimize it we increase our peace.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

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