Sunday, May 26, 2024

Can He Tell You the Truth.

November 14, 2019 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( In a relationship communication is important if there is to be growth in love and understanding. Both parties should feel that it is safe for them to open up about vulnerable spaces. Trust is being able to show the person you love who you are without masks and feel that they will still stand with you once the reality of who you are is known. Far too often there is a miscommunication between men and women when the relationship hits a point whereby deep truths should be shared. It’s difficult to discuss pain; sexual violation, assault, mental illness, trauma by job, past relationships that have left deep rooted scars, and  fractured relationships with family are just a few areas that are difficult to lay at the feet of someone we are trying to grow with.

However, at some point the deep conversations can not be avoided if the relationship is to be taken seriously. We know there are men in the world that can’t handle some of the situations a woman is dealing with. Some of them will come out and speak to it leaving the woman involved feeling rejected. In looking at the space that is women many of us have heard men say, or have been told directly, that when it comes to men opening up, we claim to want the truth…but can’t handle such.

It is very important, while we as women fight for fairness, that we give the vulnerable space we demand. When a man is holding feelings, burdens and secrets there are times we can sense that he needs to sit down and have a conversation about what’s on his mind and heart. The question is can he sit down and have that in-depth you, his woman, without judgment or feeling that his experiences will be weaponized. I understand that women are in a space whereby they are tired of feeling that they have the emotional waste basket for men. They are tired of feeling that they must manage their own weight while carrying their man’s issues. The problem with this thinking is there are men that can say the exact same thing…but remain silent. If relationships are to become healthier spaces both parties must be willing look at themselves, and the amount of support that is truly provided. We must be able to hear the truth we need to share. This is not saying that we women should baby our men. However, I am saying that if we tell them to open up to us, they should be able to do that without being attacked.

Fairness is very important. Our partner should be able to tell us what they are facing without being generalized, silenced, or attacked because they didn’t say what we expected to hear…or the situation is worse than anticipated. Furthermore, if they open up about abuse of any kind, they should not be made to feel that what they are going through is less than that of a woman. Just as we don’t want our pain marginalized, and we want our suffering to matter equally to black men…we must do the same.

Example, when our women are arrested and beaten or killed, we need men to understand its just as important as when it happens to them. Well, domestic violence, rape, and many other kinds of abuse must be just as important when it happens to men. Your man needs to know he can trust you with his trust, just as you must be able to trust him with your truth. Allowing your relationship to be one sided in this area can cause resentment, and eventually the end of something that could have been beautiful.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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