Thursday, July 18, 2024

Absence Makes Parent Love Grow Fonder?

November 14, 2019 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( When I have kids I will never do this to them.

Endless amounts of parents speak these words in the wake of their own parents.  It does not matter the type of parent either: helicopter or ghost. While there is no “perfect” parenting style,  the hope is that parents do their best to support and cultivate an adult that will not kill numerous amounts of people or be on the next episode of “My 600-pound Life”.  But how does one do this with so many different books and blogs about parenting and the way it should be done? I have been blessed to see many women raised children. I noticed that some of the most successful ones do certain things pretty consistently. 

Effective parenting almost always starts with truth.  The art of veracity may change based on the age of the child, but the content does not.  Providing children with the truth teaches several admirable traits. They learn tact: the ability to speak the truth but in a way that is politically correct.  They also learn transparency. Children who have a long experience with the truth will also dedicate themselves to being exactly who they say are. One of my friends that is a single mom is a great example of truth in action. She was very unstable when she had her first child to the point where he was raised by his grandparents. When she finally became stable, she brought her child home to start raising him.  In the beginning, there was a lot of dissension between them due to her parenting style being different from her parents. One of the greatest things she did, however, was practice honesty with her son. Did it hurt sometimes? Of course. Their relationship now is tighter than ever. Plus that hurt can help another attribute of effective parenting. 

Effective parents prepare their children for failure.  This preparation comes from allowing the child to actually try and succeed or fail at a very young age.  The parents who usually allow this can not stand participation trophies and encourage competition. They want their children to know that they may not be the best at something and that is perfectly fine.  They also encourage their children to execute another effective parenting trait.  

Effective parents instill the value of work.  It does not matter if it is easy work. It does not matter if it is hard work. Work is an important part of who the child is and what they offer to society.  When the parents input this attribute into their children, they do not just give them something to do to keep them busy. As they are learning, the parent is teaching who, what, when, where, and why so the child knows the WHY behind what they are doing.  It does take longer, but the time invested at a young age pays off as the child enters adolescence and adulthood.

My parents were none of these traits, and I used to be upset about it. I felt like I was cheated out of a childhood that could have made me more productive.  However, their lack of parenting made me very attentive to those who effective. I want to emulate them when I become a parent. Yes, the absence of parental love makes my heart for effective parenting and growth stronger. 

Staff Writer; J. W. Bella

May also follow this talented sister online over at; JWB Writes.

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