Friday, April 12, 2024

The Anger in Marriage Struggle Is Real…but NOT Impossible.

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( “…Do not let the sun go down on your anger…” I am paraphrasing the verse from Ephesians 4:26-27 I heard many times when couples attempted to give me advice before I get married in 2010.  Solid advice. I will admit it.  What they forgot to mention, however, is the difficulty to follow that advice once you are in the marriage. Reason?  Your choice to witness another person’s life should “ideally” by worry and stress free (well…that is what we think at the wedding with all those presents, cake, and cousins doing the Cupid Shuffle.). Then,  the wedding is over.  After that, reality comes in the form of bills, food, children, work, and the other multiple experiences we have in this thing called life. So, how do we deal with such a powerful emotion without ripping the heart out of our significant other?  The answer is actually in the marriage.  While I can not tell you what to specifically do for your marriage, I can offer suggestions.

Option 1:  Take a time out. 

At school, it is called recess.  At work, it is called a break.  At home when your children misbehave, it is called a timeout.  Consider taking time out away from each other for your “misbehavior”. It does not mean to call the divorce lawyer. It does mean to find a place away from your spouse to recollect and reset so both of you can have a better attitude. Then, come back to each other and talk WITH listening. This is not a time to blame or victimize. IT is a time to figure out how to move forward from the lesson learned from this experience.

Option 2: Talk but don’t talk.

If you are anything like me, your voice can make someone feel like Superman. It can also make you feel as guilty as R. Kelly.  It is not because of insensitivity.  Your voice is just a powerful weapon.  Consider texting or writing a letter about how you feel.  Then, WAIT a while before allowing your spouse to read it.  This gives you time to come back to it and realize what you truly want to say and communicate it effectively.

Option 3:  Third Party Involvement

“…I don’t want nobody in my business!” You are absolutely right.  You just forgot one part: You do not want anyone you know in your business. Consider getting a counselor to be a part of solving the problem.  These people go through extensive years of development and training just to help people be better people.  And contrary to popular belief, THERAPY is AWESOME!

Going to sleep in any emotional state is very difficult because sleep is a time for your mind to rest and reset. Do not cheat your body and mind out of time to improve.  Do not allow anger to cause a divide between a relationship that may be a great part of your life.  Anger in marriage is difficult, but it is not impossible to overcome.

Staff Writer; J. W. Bella

May also follow this talented sister online over at; JWB Writes.

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