Friday, July 19, 2024

Forgiveness Does Not Require Trust.

October 10, 2017 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( Relationships can become very complicated when trust is compromised. There are many women that feel love is enduring a situation no matter the cost. They don’t want to be deemed as disloyal so they remain in relationships whereby trust has left the building. In this space, there is so much hurt, and emotional distress that the pain is seeping into every part of her life.

This is indeed the emotional rollercoaster Vivian Green warned us about. The relationship has down spiraled from something that gave you life to the very poison that is causing emotional unrest. The rabbit hole deepens then the relationship is with a man you have known for decades. He has been your confidant, validation, rock, has never failed you. Now you find yourself in a nightmare whereby the one person you just knew you could spend your life with has shredded your heart into a million pieces. You love him, but you feel destroyed.

Once the courage came to get out of this dangerous relationship you initially walked away feeling like it is best that this person die to you. However, the time you have known him far outweigh the length of the relationship. You realize as you get further away from the breakup that you will always love him. However, you just don’t know if you will ever be able to forgive him for not only breaking your heart, but killing what you knew to be special about him. As time past, you may find that he has re-entered your life as the friend that once anchored you. You don’t know if you forgive him, but that was for what happened in your relationship…right now you need your friend and he’s there. It seems like at the very least you are rebuilding your friendship, and that is a space that is both comfortable and valuable to you.

The problem always seems to arise when discussion of relationship is brought to the table. You then realize that you wrestle with forgiveness. This state of mind puts you in emotional turmoil, and distress. Ladies the problem is not forgiveness…its TRUST. Far too often we confuse forgiveness for trust. It is necessary that you forgive this person because in doing so you free yourself from the burden of it all, but that does not require that you trust them. Trust is something that must be rebuilt, and that is not always possible. Often times, because we don’t separate these two important things we are unable to explain to ourselves, or the person that has hurt us, the nature of our anxiety and distress about the idea of re-kindling a relationship with someone that hurt us so deeply.

Forgiveness and healing go hand in hand. You will need one to achieve the other. With that being said, you must guard yourself regarding trust. It’s important to know you don’t have to make decisions regarding trust in haste, and you don’t owe those that hurt you trust. It is for them to try to earn, or for you to decide it cannot be earned. You must make decisions that will be in the best interest of your wellbeing.

Granted the person in question might get upset when you express that you don’t trust them…or they may accept where they are in your life. Just as you had to process your hurt, they must process your decision. Space may be required before even a friendship can ensue…or it very well may be in the best interest of both parties to end any form of relationship. Regardless, of which may occur your understanding of the difference between forgiveness, and trust will serve you well in any relationship you encounter.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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