Monday, April 15, 2024

You Don’t Have a Right to Abuse.

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( No one has the right to abuse another human being. No one should have to endure emotional, spiritual, cultural, gender, sexual, nor physical abuse. This type of behavior should have no place in a civilized society. It is important to state that abuse, including the likes of domestic violence, should not be classified as a women’s issue…it’s a human issue. Women are not the only victims of abuse, and men are not the only people that commit the offense. This is important to flesh out because there are many misunderstanding, stereotypes, and hypocritical positions regarding abuse. Furthermore, personal experience does not speak for the whole of a group. If one is not careful the trauma of said events can be projected onto another person. That in itself can potentially be abusive to another human being. We have come to a point whereby it is important to understand that equality was supposed to be the goal…not tyranny. Many of us grew up hearing boys be told they are not to hit girls, and many of us teach our sons the same. This is proper teaching. Yet, this same teaching must be stressed just the same to our daughters. Our children should be taught they are not to abuse another human being.

The reason the discussion must be had because we have underreported abuse, non-reported abuse. Some women will acknowledge that fact that woman can (notice I didn’t day do) abuse men, but they follow that acknowledgement with “but women are abused more and the number of women abused is underreported”. Yes, it is underreported, but in many cased men don’t report at all because there is no support for a man that says he is being abused by a woman in any fashion. He is weak, and something is wrong with him if he lets a woman beat on him. With that in mind, lets head back to the playground. In early elementary far too often the school yard bully a girl, and no matter how much she hits…the boys she uses for a punching bag is told he can’t defend himself. He might even be told to toughen up…that’s just a girl and he has no busy whining. It is in this moment we could be creating an abuser in this little boy, or empowering a future abuser who understands there is no consequence for her mouth nor her hands in the little girl. We must normalize treating everyone like a human being.


Being a woman should not subject you to any form of abuse, and it shouldn’t empower you to abuse anyone else…and that includes men. Holding men accountable for their treatment of women is fair. Expecting men to hold their circles accountable it fair; however, it is blatant hypocrisy if we aren’t willing to do the same. Far too often we gas our sistahs up as they verbally degrade men without cause. Some of us won’t speak up when she puts her hands on that man…and gloats about it. Instead, there is a need to justify her behavior. Case and point, if a man cheats on the woman he’s with she can retaliate in ways that are illegal. She can damage property, physically harm him and ruin his life. If we see it on social media no doubt there will be women saying he deserved whatever he got, and he should not have cheated. They will go as far as saying cheating on that sistah was abusive.

However, if the woman cheats, and yes many women do, the man had best not respond in the previously mentioned manner. No, he needs to break off the relationship and move on. The woman in question will not openly be deemed as abusive…though many will admit her cheating is wrong. This double standard doesn’t work. Just as man shouldn’t appear to only care about this when it’s his daughter, sister, or female loved one…the same applies to woman. You shouldn’t just get upset about abuse when it’s your son, brother, or male loved one. This behavior doesn’t right the wrongs that men commit against women. It exposed a rather tightly kept secret…women can be, and are, just as abusive as men. The manner of abuse might be different, but it exists as sure as we’re all HUMAN.

No one has the right to abuse another. No one has the right to bully another. The same safe spaces we as women need for reporting abuse is also needed by men. If we need to be heard, understood and taken seriously when we report abuse…men need the same space. All human beings need this space. Men don’t have the right to beat on, abuse and degrade women then gaslight when they are confronted. I believe this strongly, and I know women ought not commit the same offenses we are fighting against. This isn’t equality. We stand take a stance about abuse while condoning the abuse of others. The hypocrisy of it undermines everything worked for. Why should one set of parents have to convince another that their son shouldn’t be beaten by their daughter? Why should any person woman or man have to fight to be heard when abused? I can’t say it enough, you don’t have a right to abuse…NO ONE does.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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