Thursday, July 18, 2024

Forgiveness Does Not Excuse Toxic Behavior.

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( Forgiveness is a very important part of healing. So many find it hard to embrace forgiveness because the pain experienced cut so deeply. There is also the feeling that if we forgive, we are excusing the hurt that was imposed. Forgiveness in that thought is a sign of weakness, of letting someone toxic back into back into your life. The very idea of such can trigger depression, anxiety, and depending on the offense PTSD. Unfortunately, forgiveness is something we must face, confront and render in the name of self-care.

When we don’t forgive, we continue the cycle of hurt we are currently living.  In that cycle, if not careful, one can easily move from being the victim to the assailant. This space can cause us to hurt the very people we love…the people that have been there for us through the hurt and suffering. That adds guilt and a different kind of worthlessness to the list of pains one is already facing. Forgiveness is easier to accept when we understand a few things.

1. Forgiveness is solely for you. When you forgive you release the person and the power their words and actions have over your life. You allow yourself the opportunity to be free because you are no longer harboring life-threatening poison. Hatred and anger regardless of the source is pure poison. While the offending person is going on with life you are being eaten up from the inside by their offenses.

2. Forgiveness allows you to see areas whereby you could have made a different choice. Doing this is not victim shaming nor are you blaming self for the actions of others. Every situation in life can be a learning lesson. There might have been warning signs you would never have suspected, but now you know better should you see it again. Maybe the person that hurt you was a narcissist and you had never dealt with one before, now you have an idea of what they look like. The situation may have taught you to speak out when abused. Far to often we are made to believe we deserve to be abused mentally, physically, sexually or in any other manner. No one deserves that treatment ever.

3. Forgiveness is not a tactic the toxic person can use to continue functioning in your life. They have to do more than merely apologize and doing so doesn’t mean you have to continue on with them. Everyone that apologizes to you will not mean it. You have the right to move on without them.

4. Forgiving those that have hurt you is not you excusing them of any wrong doing. You don’t have to talk to the person that harmed you to forgive them. You can cut them off never to interact with them again if that is what is best for you. Forgiving them is a release of them having an invisible control that continues to hurt you even in their absence. Forgiving them renders you free from bitterness. You aren’t forgiving them because you owe them something…remember the forgiveness is for you.

You don’t have to live with the remnants of toxic treatment in your life. Refusing to forgive hinders you healing in a way that subjects you to remaining in the prison of the pain that has been inflicted on you. Regardless of what others your say you deserve to live your life in peace and happiness. You deserve the opportunity to have meaningful relationships that are not put at risk by the past hurts you have suffered. Forgive and let the poison of others ooze out of your life. In doing so you are putting yourself back in control of your journey.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

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