Friday, April 12, 2024

Why Can’t Black Women Just Get Along?

December 24, 2018 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( My sisters, what is our constant struggle and beef with one another? Where was this venom to hate and destroy other come from within us? Why is it that upon seeing other black women, negative thoughts and feelings naturally occur? Aside from the occasional, “I like those shoes, where did you get them?” or “who does your nails?”, our conversations with one another typically border on the most vain aspects of our appearance.

Who taught you to hate women? Many of us were told as little girls that we should not trust other women. Never let another woman live in your house if your man is there! Do not leave your man around these loose women. Do not trust women, they are sneaky and they lie. Sadly, these teachings were handed down to us by other women. Whether these women had horrible experiences with women, or not, what was the real lesson learned?

We were unconsciously taught that women are not useful and will in fact, make our lives more difficult. We can see this in our friendships with other women when we begin dating, and even moreso when one attains the position of being someone’s “wife“. At that point, many women throw all sisterhood out of the window and begin dedicating herself to her family. No doubt, with life and time moving as quickly as it does, it is unlikely that you will be able to talk to or see your close girlfriends on a daily basis.

But, what about the women you work with daily? I am not saying these women have to be your best friends, nonetheless, we do not have to bully one another in the workplace. I often find women being harder on one another than they are with men who have proven they are misogynist. I see women team up with men to verbally and aggressively assault other women.

I can recall a dear friend of mine being so excited about the birth of his child, until he got into a new relationship. The new love persuaded him into believing the child’s conception date did not add up and that the child straight up and down was not his. He missed nine months of his son’s life simply listening to the advice of another women, defamining a woman she did not know. She was not present during their lovemaking sessions, yet she felt the need to cast doubt in what would have been a happy father’s mind.

Why do we do this? We hate our partners ex, based solely on the victim story the average man gives. We hate those who have a problem with our handfull of female friends we do have. Black women have become so full of hatred and rage, primarily towards one another that heart disease is seriously taking us off the planet. We are having more heart attacks, developing more illnesses, and yet hating one another more than ever.

I am convinced this hate has nothing to do with the next woman. It is as if we are programmed to hate one another and thus hate ourselves. As we move into 2019, it is imperative that we learn above all things how to respect and work collectively with one another. It is time for black women to come together and share our experiences. There is no reason the next woman should walk into the same horrible experiences you have had, simply because you refuse to share your story. We must learn how to respectfully deal with our differences and find our common ground.

I want to see black women having healing circles where we come together solely for the purpose of growing and healing the issues within that are affecting so many of us. We are not here to compete with one another, we should be building one another up. Black women are holding better and higher positions in the workplace, yet we are rarely helping one another reach a higher state. Let us not position ourselves to look down upon our sistas, but rather to assist in pulling them up.

Here’s to eradicating the hate within and amongst black women once and for all.

Staff Writer; Dina Tuff

Connect with Mystic Philosopher & Inner Fitness Coach Dina Tuff @

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