Monday, May 27, 2024

Hard Choices: We Need to Talk About Mom.

October 6, 2017 by  
Filed under Health & Wellness, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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(ThySistas.comIt’s the dreaded conversation that no one wants to have – what to do about mom when she can no longer totally take care of herself? Will she come live with you, or go into a care situation? Yes, it’s pretty easy to keep putting off this conversation until something really serious happens, but this isn’t the best way to deal with it. Instead, you need to deal with this question head-on. So with that in mind check out the advice in the post below that can help you negotiate the ‘we need to talk about mom’ conversation with as little emotional turmoil as possible.

Set down your concerns and idea before your start

The thing about highly charged emotional issues like where mom will live is that is it so easy for them to become an argument without you intending it. That is why is vital that you write down your ideas and concerns before you start. As this will help you work through them with your other half and siblings and not get too distracted or stressed.

Things you need to think about include: what the main problems are, who is involved, whether it’s the right time to thinking about a change of living accommodation, and what living accommodation would be the best fit.

The choices available in accommodation include full nursing care, living with you or your siblings, and for those that don’t need quite as much help, assisted living facilities. You can click here to get some more information this. So you can see if it is a viable option for your mom.

Talk to everyone

Next, don’t forget to talk to everyone involved. This can include your significant other, your siblings, aunts, cousins, and dad. In particular, if mom and dad are still living together you need to find out how he will feel about a change in living situation, as well as how this may impact on his health.

Remember, that just because mom has got to the stage where she can’t fully take care of herself, that shouldn’t mean that all of the decisions should be taken out of her hands. At the very, least she needs to be consulted, and perhaps some visits made to different accommodations like, for example, for her to get an idea of the varying amenities on offer. Her wishes should be adhered to, to the best of your abilities. After all, wouldn’t you want the same respect shown to you in this situation?

Make the transition easier

Once the conversation is out of the way, it will be a big change for all concerned. You can help lighten this emotional load by doing things to make the transition as easy as possible.

If mom is coming to live with you, this can mean giving her some space of her own, including places to make up a cup of coffee if it’s safe. As this may help her feel she is keeping some of her independence.

If she is going to live elsewhere, it can be helpful to visit several times before the move so she can guess to her new surroundings. Also, ensure that you go to see her often and provide the emotional support she will need to be as happy as possible in her new surroundings.

Staff Writer; Shelia Gold

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