Saturday, July 13, 2024

We Need our Father.

May 5, 2017 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( It’s been a long-standing discussion that boys need their fathers to become the best they can as men. I understand, and I agree on many levels. Girls also need their father, and as we become women we still need them. Though our mothers teach us so much about womanhood, and how to grow into it, fathers have a very special place in the foundation of who we are. The importance of having a strong, protective, understanding father can often be played down where girls are concerned. knowing that someone will fight for you no matter the challenge, and that you are worth the flowers and fuss is just a part of what makes a father special.

Dads tend to do things very differently from moms, but it makes for a balanced child. In some areas dad just might be more laid back, but on the other hand they can make you tough. Dad can explain the thought pattern of a man to you because he is one; he can shape your expectation regarding men later in life. He can explain, to a degree, why you would want to present yourself as a lady with grace verses a lesser presentation. His discussion of the importance of self-worth is definitely different than that of mom. Our mothers are very capable of comforting us when we hurt as they gave birth to us. However, being able to go to dad when your heart hurts is special. Some of us are not daddy’s girls because we are spoiled…some of us are daddy’s girls because we are the female embodiment of our dad. This would mean he knows us as he knows himself, and that creates a very special bond.

For some of us the foundation rubric for who we are is drawn in large from our father. He just tends to understand, and he knows what to say. Granted we go through that phase where dad could seem overbearing when it came to dating, but he just didn’t want to see us hurt…it hurt him deeply to see us cry. If you had this in a father it is to be cherishes, and we must fight for young girls to have such. The love of a father is different from that of a mother, and both are so greatly needed. Sometimes we don’t understand how much of a force our father has been in our life until we lose them.

On March 17, 2017, I lost my fiercest fighter and friend…my dad. He was there from the moment he knew my mother was pregnant with me until the day he closed his eyes. That man was so much of the foundation of the woman and person I am today. From him I learned my will is stronger than my opposition, and there was nothing I couldn’t conquer. He reminded me excuses can destroy one’s life and they are unacceptable. Dad made sure I understood that if a man was not willing to cherish my worth he wasn’t worthy of my hand…and he wouldn’t give me away to an idiot. Dad was my understanding of music, and sports…he drilled emotional and mental toughness.

In addition to being my father, as an adult he was my friend, confidant, Frat & Masonic brother, cooking buddy, and someone I could tell all things without judgement. I could always count on him to tell me the truth with no filters. I knew he was always in my corner, and he reminded me of my faith. Dad didn’t fuss behind a cuss word in a vent…he understood I was indeed his daughter. My drive to embrace the culture of where we are from, New Orleans, LA, was so much of my dad. I thank him for the discipline, long talks, punishments, direction…and above all things for believing in me unconditionally even when I didn’t believe in myself.

I am blessed to say I’ve had an amazing dad…and facing days without him is hard. We need our fathers. They are necessary in our life for so many reasons. Just as we encourage men in our community to make men of their sons…to be fathers. We must encourage them to be the shields and protectors their daughters need. Fathers are irreplaceable, and they provide a unique love and support that is unique to them.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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2 Responses to “We Need our Father.”
  1. Steph says:

    I am sorry to learn what happened to your father recently. I also lost mine. The most important thing is you had a great relationship with your dad. He was there for your physically and emotionally. Mine was there physically but not emotionally. It deeply hurts me until now. I tend to be attracted to men who are not emotionally available because this is all I knew. I am trying to find the right man for me but it is difficult!

    • Christian Starr says:

      Thank you so much. I am also sorry for your lost. That is a very difficult situation you have explained. Knowing who you are, and what you need without reservation might help. My Dad was there…but he instilled mental toughness from a young age. I wanted a man with the best qualities of my dad minus the bad ones lol. Our fathers were not perfect. It can be a challenge, but walk in the greatness that is you…and the right man will show up. I was always told I was too difficult to love, but I married a man with both strength and compassion. It will happen for you sista. *huggz*

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