Monday, April 15, 2024

That Grass Isn’t Always Greener.

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( It is true you can’t help who you fall in love with. However, this can only be stated when one doesn’t have a grudge, or issue, towards any particular group. Black women have internalized seeing black men with white women…especially when it happens in opposition to black women. Many of us have seen black men receive hurt, and scars at the hands of white women that we could have never imagined. When they face racial opposition, some have had to come home to women that did not understand nor empathize. After countless relationships, marriage and even children some of our men find themselves isolated and alone. They find themselves questioning who they are, and how much of themselves they must give up for there to be peace in their home. Granted there are some white women that are with black men for love and they do their best to support them.

The mothers, sisters, cousins and friends are often privy to the pain some of our men encounter in relationships with white women. Sometimes they do choose themselves, and if she crosses his dignity his only salvation is to return to the women that know him best. This is not to say he will never date outside of his race again, but the lesson he learns is…the grass often isn’t greener on the other side.

I’m sure there are sisters strongly agreeing with the previous paragraph, and that’s cool…but the same outcome awaits us ladies when we choose that white man in opposition to black men. As a matter of fact, we could find ourselves in situations where we share the last name of a man whose family does indeed despise us. Some of us have had to battle with racial oppression only to come home and explain…and he agrees with his white male counterpart. What do we do when he slips up and calls us a nigger because we oppose the current presidential administration? I wish I was making this up or just giving you scenarios but unfortunately that is not the case. A white man, not a white woman, holds the power seat in this country.

If that white man doesn’t love you more than his privilege you will face a pain, and reality check, worse than that of a black man with a white woman. This is not what we want to hear when we think, “ all black men are worthless”, but it’s a truth we need to understand. Honestly, some of us wouldn’t dare tolerate the level of disrespect a white man can give… from a black man. We don’t want that white man to think we are the “typical” black woman…no we want him to see us as refine and sophisticated. Sister if you feel the need to suppress who you are…by all means run.

You know its love when that white man you are with embraces you, your culture, family and your nature as a woman. Is this not the same thing we want black men to understand? If that white man won’t stand against his own when you are racially offended…without question, go home. Yes, the same rules apply. Sometimes you will find yourself feeling isolated and alone wondering how much of your being will you have to sacrifice. Your father, brothers, cousins and friends will be privy to your pain…because they will be your salvation when you feel yourself slipping away as you learn the harsh lesson…the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

When we are honest and true to self with no opposition towards another group with can’t help who we love. Love doesn’t demand that we sell who we are. It doesn’t put us in a cage of any sort…and it will always stand with us when attacked and help us heal when hurt. No matter who you choose to live a life with let it be with someone who truly loves and appreciates who you are in totality. Some love is harder due to the ignorance and hatred of others…so those people would truly need to stand in total agreement if they are to survive.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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