Friday, December 8, 2023

Are You an Enabler?

August 17, 2016 by  
Filed under Health & Wellness, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

Like Love Haha Wow Sad Angry

( We live in a society whereby accountability has gone out the window, and instant gratification is the name of the game. Ladies some of us are hungry for knowledge all the time. When problems arise we seek out answers starting with self. We want to know how we can better ourselves, and are willing to face hard truths to achieve our liberation. There are those of us that are strong academically, and/or spiritually, so no matter what life throws our way we always seem to stay on our feet and grounded. However, we tend to have different expectations for those we love and care about.

Part of the burden we carry is being THE ANSWER for certain family and friends. We are the crutch that keeps them on their feeBlackWoman-StressedOut-2016t, and though we know we should instruct them to stand we don’t. Ladies, if this sounds like you then unfortunately you are an enabler. Because your children (of age), relatives, and friends know you will fix it…or try they don’t put in the work to be their best person. This has many consequences, and your peace of mind will eventually be one of them. Just because we may know what to do, or how, doesn’t mean it is for us to share. We must encourage those we love to stand, study, empower themselves, and move forward.

When your phone rings early before the sun comes up, and it’s your home girl wanting to belly ache about the same life problems she has been having for years that is a problem. If you find yourself repeating the same advice that at times is met with aggression…this is a problem. If you find yourself constantly shelling out money to help a loved one eat, but they have money for recreation…this is a problem. If your son/daughter is making the same mistakes and instead of teaching them you appease them…this is a problem.

If we allow it people will take from us everything we are willing to give. We must be honest about the nature of our relationships. It is very important to take a stand against the cycles of enabling behavior. We cannot have a serious discussion about community if we are not going to build strength. Enabling feeds weakness. If one is not careful the strong will become weak. Once others have taken from you all that they can…you will watch them rise as you breakdown.

If you look in the mirror and see an enabler know that you can turn that around. The level of responsibility and accountability that you expect from yourself should be your benchmark for others. If you are willing to study, train, work and make wise choices expect this of those you love. So many learn through experience. Allow your children to make mistakes, and learn consequences when they are young and protected in your care. Give advice to friends that ask, but don’t repeat it. Allow them to learn for themselves.

I know it may be hard at first, but every phone call is not an emergency, and sometimes it’s wise not to answer. This is give others the opportunity to think for themselves. The bottom line is simple: People Respect, and retain, knowledge they themselves had to obtain. Encourage, motivate, empower and share positive energy with those you love. You can do this without enabling them. If you let them grow, as you have, they will be stronger and healthier in the long run.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

Speak Your Mind

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!