Thursday, September 21, 2023

Thy Guide to Reclaiming Your Self During a Divorce.

July 25, 2016 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( Many married couples fear divorce. Not just because it signals the end of a relationship, but because it can take severe personal tolls. It’s important not to lose the sense of your strong self during this process. Here are some tips that will help.

Keep a journal

When a divorce is over, it will often feel like a painful blur, like a whirlwind. It’s easy to emerge from the process in such a state that you feel you lost yourself back there. One of the best ways to “anchor” yourself during the divorce is to keep a journal. The details you write down may not always be pleasant. But a journal is a great way of capturing your honest feelings, helping you feel more in 2016-black-couple-break-upcontrol of your character. (Besides, keeping notes on everything may also help the proceedings if there are any legal complications! Speaking of which…)

Get a lawyer. A really good lawyer!

One of the best ways to get out of a divorce as unscathed as possible is to make the process as smooth as you can, from a legal point of view. You don’t want the process to turn ugly or to be drawn out. And it’s possible that you can’t just rely on yourself and your spouse to prevent that from happening, despite good intentions at first. People forget that lawyers can act as essential mediators in these situations. Find yourself a good divorce attorney. They can work with you to make sure things go your way.

Try to stick to the routine

When you break away from routine, it always increases the feeling of being unsettled. In the case of a divorce, it can be extremely easy to fall out of a routine. Especially if a lot of that routine involved your spouse! Keep up with the things that you did by yourself. If possible, find ways to do the other things by yourself, or with friends or other family members.

Be sure to spend time with friends

Take some time out to hang out with friends. Try not to spend too much time talking about the divorce. Of course, if it’s really pressing on you, then you absolutely should talk about it. Your friends may be worried about you, after all. But you also want to separate yourself from this process. You’re you, not a divorcée. And whatever you do, try to avoid badmouthing your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Even if they deserve to be badmouthed a little. That kind of thing will just make the whole thing feel more poisonous.

Learn about the “divorcée stigma” – and fight it

Sad, but true. Tt seems that the stigma that attaches to a divorced woman is still alive, though not as overwhelming as it was a few decades ago. It seems to stem from the idea that you’ve thrown away your knight in shining armor – and what smart woman would do that? Surely the thing you need to do now is find another one as soon as possible? Throw those ideas away. Marriage is a lifestyle choice, not some life requirement. Will you choose the single life to be a burden to suffer through – or a new choice is be taken full advantage of?

Staff Writer; Shelia Francis


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  1. […] they have gone through a shift or change in their life. Perhaps they recently finalized their divorce or came out to their loved ones. Whatever it is that has changed in their life, lifestyle or […]

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