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Want your man to Commit? Tips here.

January 25, 2013 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( Yes, one to many very sweet, very attractive, very worthy but vulnerable women fall into waiting for the non-committal man to set a rock onto one side of the scale, in hopes that the side which weighs the heaviest will be their side.

You women who read this are looking for an answer on how to get a guy who’s on the fence to fall for you, and I’m sorry to have to say this because I know it hurts, but you can’t. You’re free to stay in denial, return to Google, type in the exactly the same search inquiry that got you here and resume the search to find what you want to hear- that there’s hope, when there’s not.

Here’s the thing about non-committal men which you have to learn: they’re both a blessing and a curse, but to gain the blessing to which they offer you’re going to have to play their game, like a mime to an onlooker, and if your heart is already in his hands I don’t recommend trying this until you can detach yourself.

This isn’t to say that this relationship has to be a vile game; in fact, you’re not going to want him to even expect you know what he’s doing. You’re going to resume being sweet, fun-loving, and easygoing, because you have no reasonCouple relaxing on sofa and having video call on cellphone not to. Pho-dating can be of value, but first you need to know exactly what kind of person you’re dealing with so that you don’t end up hurting a good guy.

So who’s the non-committal man? He’s the sketchy date, he’s there when he’s there, but he’s detached when he’s not. He’s likely a flake, and he has many excuses as to why he suddenly cancels, (or “can’t make it“), doesn’t call you back, answer your texts, or take you out on an actual date (or if he does, he has an excuse as to why he’s not ready for a commitment.)

He often has a specific time of day or night in which he wants to see you (a common trait to men who are dating around: Natasha on Mondays, Lisa on Tuesdays, Eleanie on Friday, you get the picture) and along with this he seems to want to go to the same staple spots when he does see you.

He doesn’t appear to really care about you as much as he says he does, and it is likely that he says he does, non-committal men are very good at talking “ifs” and “whens” and indeed can be very charming, but they never really pull through.

Sound like your guy? Good. Then we’ve got a winner. Now let me tell you how to use your prize:

Non-committal guys will hang onto you, while still going out to see if there’s someone better they can trade you in for. They’ll likely do the same thing to whoever they find. If you enjoy the time and company this guy has to offer you, take it as just that. He’s likely sticking around to use you sexually; you don’t have to have sex with anyone to benefit from them. Sometimes it’s just nice to have a pit stop every now and then in your life that provides a relief without the added stress of a relationship.

Enjoy your time together as just that. Don’t restrict yourself from dating other people or keeping an eye out, because it would ruin the purpose. Also, don’t let him know you’re in on his game because it’s a likelihood, he’ll start acting like you’re a booty call, or end up trying to make you one.

When he makes plans with you, have a back-up plan, and if you’re torn between time with him and someone else, chose than someone else. It’s important that you can shrug him off because no relationship is worth sticking out if you’re going to be hurt, even a non-committal one.

There are deeper psychological issues as to why these men are the way that they are, and as you get close to them, you may begin to see exactly what is broken or scarred. There are specific reasons why they are this way, and I could write a whole book on that but it wouldn’t be worth my time. That being said, I discourage you from trying to fix their problems, or understanding this man’s issues, because doing so will not turn him into your prince charming. What you will obtain from them is a soft spot, but it will never go beyond that.

Remember not to intentionally hurt someone, and if this person treats you badly, makes you feel insecure, or doesn’t bring any good to your life at all, ditch him cold turkey. Feelings should be spared for those who spare yours, in an equal manner. These guys are still people, and even if you find someone else (because they work best as Band-Aids), they can remain very good friends, and tend to be there to pick you up if something doesn’t work out or you happen to fall down.

So there you have it ladies, how to commit a non-committal man: Don’t, because where’s the fun in that.

Written By Brittany Murrietta


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