Saturday, October 31, 2020


Sometimes You Can’t Save Your Sister Friend.

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(ThySistas.com) There is nothing worse than seeing a friend hurting, and it can make you want to do all you can to see them in a better place. As sisters in community it is important to stand together when challenges come. We need to know there is someone there willing to talk to us, hear our cry, and actually care about our pain. It does all the good in the world when a sister knows she has someone that will pray with her, care about her feelings, be honest with her, and try to help her find a way to clear the obstacles she faces. As hard as it is to see a friend struggle its harder to try and be there only to realize helping could cause a personal down spiral.  It’s important to understand that you won’t be able to save every sister.

There are many factors that can contribute to the down spiral of a close sister friend. There are times whereby nothing you say, or don, can change the position they are in. It could be that she has to see her way through it because you don’t know what to do, she has pushed those close to her away so you don’t have access to help, or she’s willing to receive help but won’t use it. None of these situations are comfortable, but you must recognize them when they present so that you can protect your mental health.

You may find yourself calling your sister friend, because you know she’s going through something difficult, only to reach her voicemail countless times. When you do reach her, she is short with the conversation and always too busy to chat. She may acknowledge that she is dealing with some things to let you know everything between you and her is okay. however, she doesn’t give you the room to help…she lets you know she’s got it. This is most uncomfortable when its obvious the sister is falling apart and has nothing under control. You must step back, respect the boundary she has erected, and choose to just keep her in your prayers. If she changes, her mind she is aware that you are in her corner. Don’t let this cause you anguish because you can’t run in and help her right her world.

There are times that being assisting will mean having experience in the matter or having the resources available. This is definitely a rough space because it can render you helpless. Even if your sister is open to assistance you are literally unable to do anything tangible. Make sure she knows you are there, and you are praying for her. This doesn’t make you an ineffective friend. There could be things going on with your finances, or you simply don’t have extra. Furthermore, you can’t beat yourself up because you may not understand a particular experience.  You won’t always have the answer.

The friend, that arguably, is the hardest to help is the one that won’t listen to anyone. If she’s having money trouble you give her what she needs and try to help her avoid the situation again. However, she’s not going to listen, and will be asking you to bail her out again. This is the sister that will sit on the phone and complain for hours and no matter what solution you give she has a reason why that won’t work. This can become a draining situation as she had added you to her comfort zone. This friend will lash out at you if you aren’t available for the “woe is me” chats even if you are trying to handle important matters to keep yourself afloat. This is a hard space because it can begin to wear on you mentally and physically. The frustrating part is you know she’s not doing what she can to help herself, and honestly, she’s not open to change. You might have to step back for your wellbeing remembering that you have been there for this friend, as she will paint you as an enemy for protecting self.

Sometimes you can’t save your sister friend even when you greatly want her to be in a better space. There will be those that won’t allow it, some spaces you don’t understand or have means, and others that will become draining for you. In every situation you can always pray and let her know you are in her corner cheering for her to win.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.


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