When Mothering Goes Wrong.
(ThySistas.com) You are a mom, and have a few kids under your belt. You are the Queen of multi-tasking, and are able to function off of limited sleep. Commands, advice and suggestions are given throughout the day without a second thought. Knowing what is needed, and when, is an art you’ve mastered. When you enter your home at the end of the day you can sense the energy in the house. You know when bad days have been had no matter how much they try to hide it from you. You are reliable, trustworthy, Ms fix it, the nurse, chef, and counselor…sometimes all at once.
No one has to look for you because you are always there. Getting sick doesn’t happen often but then it does you suck it up, and keep moving least your house comes crashing down. You are the great organizer and are aware of everyone’s schedule. You orchestrate where you have to be for you, the kids and the spouse. At the end of the day tired is an understatement, but you are grateful everyone is in, and safe.
This is a wonderfully strong woman, and many of us are striving to be her every day. However, mothering CAN GO WRONG. We must mother according to stage in life, age and who the person is to us. Many of us forget to make the transitions and it can cause us stress, serious health problems, we forget to live, and it can negatively affect our relationships with others. It may be hard at times, for whatever reason, but it’s important to realize our spouse/significant other is not one of the children. No matter what we may think, or how we feel, they are adults and should be treated as such. As women we think it is very sexist and wrong to be commanded, spoken down to and put on the level of our children by our mate. You are absolutely right this is totally unacceptable, and it also unacceptable to do the same. Regardless of how we act we expect to be treated as adults, and we must give what we expect. Barking orders at our spouse, micromanaging their every move, or demanding they do things the way we want it done at all times can put a strain on that relationship.
Not acknowledging the growth of our children is mothering gone wrong. They must be held responsible and accountable according to where they are in life, and we must let them grow. Yes, it is great to run a tight ship, but that ship must transition as our children transition. If it does not we go from being effective to overbearing; this can drive our children away from us. As they become adults there are choices we must allow them to make for themselves. Hating our son’s wife simply because no one will ever be good enough will alienate our son. Giving our daughters husband a hard time because he’s not her amazing father will drive her away. We can’t command adults…especially when they are out of our house.
Yes, we have those friends that come to us about everything. Sometimes it’s okay to NOT have an answer. It’s okay to let them arrive at a solution on their own. In our lifetime we may have many children…some we bore and some we did not. When we are mother figures to adults it is still important to remember they need to come to certain realities aside from us least we become their crutch verses a trusted mentor or advisor. If we are constantly giving the answers or barking orders we aren’t helping them, and can create resentment even if we are right.
It’s important to remember that mom needs to have a life also. Never forget to LIVE, and don’t allow your children to worry you to death…literally. Some of us are our here stressing over our children like we didn’t instill wisdom into them. We stress in a way that causes high blood pressure, and other health challenges. This doesn’t just threaten to take us away from our loved ones it also kills our dreams and goals. One of the greatest lessons we can teach everyone in our life is that we love our own life, and intend to live it to the fullest. Mother to the fullest with all the love you have, but do so with respect and allow it to grow as those you love grow.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr