Breaking the Cycle of Sexual Abuse in the Black Family.

(ThySistas.com) A 2012 study conducted by Black Womens Blueprint showed that 60% of black women were sexually assaulted before the age of 18. That breaks down to 1 in 4 black girls and it estimates 1 in 6 black boys are sexually assaulted before 18. In 2005, the study revealed that 40% of black girls were sexually assaulted, that’s a 20% increase over a year period and to date its been 4 years since the last study took place. The age old “what goes on in this house, stays in this house” slogan most black youth have heard truly creates an environment where children can be sexually abused and forced to remain silent.

Another study done by RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) revealed that 93% of juvenile sexual assault victims knew their attacker. Of them, 34% were family members and 58% were acquaintances, strangers accounted for only 7% of sexual assaults. This data makes it obvious that we, parents, are the ones putting our children in the way of danger. While it may not be intentional, I do not believe that our ignorance relieves our children of their sufferring or trauma of being violated by someone we trusted.

Sexual abuse has a deep, dark history in the black community and Social Researcher and Columnist Deborah Cooper’s “Sexual Abuse of Minor Children in the Black Community” study claims each family has at least one pedophile in every black family. While we work to cure the sickness and horrors of child molestation in the black community, there are steps parents and family members can take to protect our children.

Pay attention to how your child responds to others. So many times as parents we get caught up in how much a person “loves and accepts” our children that we overlook our childrens response to them. Do they act differently? Do they flinch when the person reaches for them? Do they dislike the person? Pay attention to the children rather than the adult, children communicate on a nonverbal level at times. If a child fails to make eye contact with a person, becomes very reserved or desires to leave, ask questions!

Do not allow friends to call your child their boyfriend or girlfriend. I’ve heard so many grown women referring to their friends young son as their “little boyfriend“. This is not innocent, it is not cute and it is very disrespectful towards your child and you. Certain lines are not to be crossed, this is one in my book. I know many men who were molested by grown women when they were only 13-18 years old and unfortunately boys take pride in such molestation, many feel they’re all grown up or some type of a playa when they’re actually being abused.

Do not take your children where they do not want to go. Some children are clingy, you know this because you spoiled your child so they prefer not to leave your side. I’m speaking on when your child is crying not to go certain places, for example, to spend the night at your friends house or even visit grandma’s house. At times children will act out, not necessarily for attention but for help. Do not force your child to stay somewhere they do not want to go least you later find out that you forced them into harms way.

Create an environment where your children feel comfortable talking to you. Let your children know that they can talk to you about anything and I do mean anything, and it is most important when they come to speak with you that you are attentive and supportive. A child who is uncomfortable telling you that they got in trouble in class is very unlikely to tell you if someone violated them. We’re so eager to put the fear of God in children and we often teach them not to talk back to adults so they do not always have an outlet. Let your children know they can talk to you about anyone and that you are first and foremost on their side.

Do not allow your children to meet everyone you date. I know women who are in a new relationship every other month and their child meets every man they date because they’re invited to the house. There’s nothing wrong with dating, thats how you explore your likes and dislikes, however your exploration process shouldn’t be seen by your children mainly because you don’t even know who you’re dealing with. There is no “type” of child molestor, you can’t simply look at them and tell immediately what they are capable of. It may be that nice looking ladies man or Sunday School teacher. In most cases its the person who most people thought “could and would never, ever do anything like that“.

Talk to your children about sexual abuse. Share these statistics with your children and let them know this behavior is wrong. If you experienced sexual abuse as a child, consider sharing your experience with your children. Breaking the cycle includes admitting and accepting what happened as well as forgiving those involved for your own healing and growth.

Do a background check before you bring friends/lovers around your children. Know who you are dealing with before you get invested. This isn’t limited to criminal background checks, I was required to do subnit one in order to volunteer at my daughters school during class so I am certainly not above getting one for the person I’m allowing into my life. These days its as simple as checking the sex offender registry and your state department of corrections website. Again, this isn’t the only background check I’m speaking of because not every molestor has been charged with a crime simply because it wasn’t reported. The greatest background check is awareness.

Do not put anything past anybody. My grandmother often said this to me and especially when children are concerned. Anyone who has been around children knows how eager they are to know and to keep secrets. If you tell a child not to tell something, chances are they’re not going to tell. It is our responsibility, not only as parents, but as leaders of today and the heads of our culture to ensure our children are loved, protected and guided properly.

On April 15, 2016, we were joined by Deon Walker, a black man who shared his childhood experiences of sexual abuse at the hands of his uncle. Deon stated that in sharing his story he has began his healing process and also assisted others in their healing journey. You can listen to Breaking the Code of Silence in the Black Family at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/175theFIX as he shares some signs and effects of sexual abuse.

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