Friday, December 8, 2023

If Something is Always Wrong Look Inside.

December 2, 2021 by  
Filed under Health & Wellness, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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( We all encounter seasons that make us question our strength. Those seasons can be brought on by many different catalysts, but one thing that seems to be common is we don’t know how long it will last. The issues can be within our home, outside of it, or unfortunately both. When this happens, we tend to gravitate towards support as we try to remain positive. Seasons of turmoil can be lengthy but when it appears to be aligned to you its not a season any longer. We all have those sistas in our life that we love and would do anything to support. However, she is always in distress. There is nothing we can do that will make her smile, and any help that is suggested is met with offense. She’s the sista on social media that will always share the post about being strong because she is so downtrodden. There is always a post about treating someone better, feeling alone but pushing through, no one understands, and no one care for them like they care for others. Believe these kinds of post generate likes. You might find yourself liking them every once in a while, because the post is relatable.

The problem is you know the person behind the screen, and you are cringing at best. You know there is an ongoing issue and its deeper than the post but addressing the matter might mean losing a sista…literally. If you are the person that struggles in this never-ending emotional labyrinth there is one perspective to consider. As an adult life is made of choices, and how we treat others. If you are constantly in a place of unhappiness and feel that you’ve looked at everything and everyone to access the issues, it is time to look at self.

black woman sad 2021

Your family and village love you, and they want you to be happy and elevating. The thing is they are also aware that you make decisions that contribute to the darkness, and you do so against council. This matters because part of this cycle is your expectations of others. So, the sistas in your life must be perfect or you come for them. You have no problems needing to know every detail in their life, and even feeling entitled to cross their boundary lines of privacy because “you care”. When they don’t do with their life as you see fit you go off on them, make posts about in in a micro-aggressive manner, and threaten to abandon them constantly. The thing is your need to control them and hold them to a standard that you yourself can’t obtain; it goes back to making decisions against council. You see you are unhappy in every facet of your life, and when family pleaded with you not to make certain choices, you chose the “it’s my life I can do what I want…I’m an adult you can’t tell me what to do” approach. You know it failed, but you don’t have the humility to admit it first and foremost to yourself. It’s so much easier to put up a front like everything is golden, but that is contrasted with all the sadness, loneliness, and no one gets me that is also presented.

It is time to recognize that authenticity matters. While you feel others lie…you are living the lie. Happiness can happen for you, and you can get to a place whereby your presentation and life is authentic. However, in order to get there, you will have to take your controlling eye off of others and place it firmly on yourself. This isn’t easy because it means facing decisions you fought everyone to make that are a source of pain. Though some beautiful things have happened, overall the choices were terrible, and you still feel the sting. The thing is sis, you aren’t alone. There is a whole village with you; you just must stop beating up on them long enough to actually see them. Facing self is one of the hardest things any of us can do, but it is the gatekeeper of true peace and happiness.

Your village is not only reaching for you, but they are holding on. You have to pull yourself up by acknowledging your hand in your unhappiness. This doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you accountable and strong. Remember your breakthrough and path to happiness in the other side of the decision to take true ownership of your life. No one can do this but you.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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