Monday, December 4, 2023

When Sisters War, Children Pay.

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( I was once told that for a family to grow, and generations to properly connect, the women in the family must get along. I admit that kind of seemed bias to me growing up, but when I sat back and watched the movement in my own family, I had to admit the statement had some truth. However, when I was exposed to the in-fighting of families I knew I came to understand there was more truth to this than I realized. My grandmother has 18 grand-children and 14 of them come from her three daughters. My mother and aunts have always been close…they even married friends. Because of this the cousins were more like siblings with a team of parents. You were sent to the “parent” that could best handle the situation you faced. This led to cousins being so closed that when we became adults the same bond is now being replicated in our children. The cousins that were not from the three daughters were much more distant to us until we were older…the factor was the mothers. Because I was raised in this space, I never thought nothing of the dominant position women have in the family that causes relationships from birth to exist.

It is important to nurture the bonds of sisterhood if we want family to continue to remain a solid foundation in the lives of children. The truth is no two parents are able to raise a child alone; a solid supportive village is mandatory. Aunts are important and they aid the mother not only in raising her children, but they help her remember who she is, and help assist in her self-care. In this environment children are nurtured from diverse kinds of positive energy, they are offered various different perspectives on life, and receive constant validation which they don’t have to seek from negative sources. The children, even if they are an only child in their home, have the love and camaraderie of cousins that stand in as siblings. They have someone to talk to and bond with, so they aren’t feeling along in the word looking to fill that void from outside. This is a wonderful village, and it allows generations to connect giving children and parent’s strength, love and protection. However, this village only works if sisters can have a strong relationship amongst each other. When relationships are strained and sisters go to war, the children pay.


With so much going on in the world every time we look up, it’s important to have a space that is safe and that nurtures who we are. Sometimes we are blessed to have parents that facilitate this, but then that doesn’t exist it is important to build the foundation needed. Fighting sisters can stem from favoritism, mistakes, blatant harm, misunderstandings, and miscommunication. It’s understandable that there are some sister situations that can’t be worked through, and separation is the only physical and mentally safe option. However, there are too many cases where this isn’t the situation and there needs to be communication to work through the challenges because sisters deserve to have each other in the world, there is a child in need of their aunt, and children in need of their cousins. It is important to think about how fighting effects the family as a whole.

It’s time to be mature enough to heal from our pain and come together to mend our sisterhoods through positive interaction and honesty. There are too many women in families at odds with each other, and the men will also be involved based on who they are in a house with, because their mothers don’t get alone. Think about it, cousins fighting for no other reason than their mothers are at war. We have to look at what this does to the state of our womanhood, how this effects our interactions outside of our families, and the message is sends to our daughters. The woman fights become girl fights, and in that space, no one wins, families crumble, and the community is damned because there will be no coming together.

Before we can talk about healing our community there must be a discussion about healing family. I believe my elder was right…women in the family must have health relationships amongst themselves. We are literally about the group in the family that will give birth to the next generation. If we can’t grow our sisterhood within, how can we expect to sustain such in community. I understand every sisterly relationship can’t be fixed, but there are too many that can be mended. Our children deserve to have their village, that support, and that level of protection. They deserve to grow up with cousins that can serve as friends, and lifelong confidants. If you are a waring sister, please consider a cease fire as there is so much at risk, and so much to gain.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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