Monday, December 4, 2023

Let Them Have the WAS.

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( How many preachers have you heard say the following statement:  “I am not who I wanna be, but I am better than who I used to be?”  If you are anything like me, the answer to that question is A LOT.  There is always some sermon that discusses how people expect you to be one person, but you have changed.  You have decided to not put “New wine into old wineskins” (Matthew 9:14-17). Kudos to you for not being who you used to be. I salute you for not being your past…aka your WAS.

WAS is not grammatically correct, but it is also not effective for people to always think about you in the past tense.  Please do not misunderstand:  I understand that first impressions and second actions tend to influence how you are perceived. However,  no one stays a child for the rest of their life. You will get older. You will change. You will experience different events in life that will change your perspective and appearance.  So, you are going to evolve and people need to be ok with that happening before reality punches them in the stomach.


What makes who you WAS so appealing? For one, it is comfort.  Change usually involves some level of uncomfortable pressure for better or worse. If you stay the same, it is something familiar to them which allows them to become experts on who you are. Another reason why WAS looks appetizing is because of human nature’s love for negativity.  People thrive off seeing others in situations worse than theirs (This is why reality TV is so popular.) If your past could rival a Tyler Perry TV show or movie plot,  it is perfect for gossip and other mean conversations.  In other words, your WAS is a perfect way for others to forget their IS or their current issues.

So how does one still continue with life knowing that this happens?  Experience is currently teaching me to let them have it.  If they want to focus on my past, let them keep it.  They can do whatever they want with my past because I am through with it. Yes, there are moments from my past that helped to cultivate and curate who I am now.  Some of those moments are great while others are painful to even think about, and the hurtful moments tend to dwell and fester way longer than they should.

What if they are spreading misinformation and lies?  Yes, it happens especially when they do not have a first-hand account to what happened.  You have every right to defend yourself and who you are while allowing them to keep your past. Do so to clear the air and NOT be spiteful. This is a difficult task because we want to hold a grudge and aggression for what has been said. However, you have to remember that these people who are holding on to your past are usually trying to avoid their own; their negative outlook on you is simply a way of lashing out.  Say your peace. Say your truth. Then, wish them the best in their miserable lives.

As a woman,  there are so many titles you already hold. These titles require your time and mental effort so you can do it for yourself, your family, and your village. Getting frustrated because unimportant people are counting on who you used to be is a set up for extra stress and anguish.  You could be experiencing your present. You could be masterfully planning your future. Your IS and WILL are waiting for you to hold hands with them so all of you can walk into the sunset together with contentment.  Let them have the WAS.  You have no need for it anyway.

Staff Writer; J. W. Bella

May also follow this talented sister online over at; JWB Writes.

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