Friday, December 8, 2023

The Case of the Ex.

January 1, 2021 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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Them: You can’t be friends with an ex!

Me (smirking): Ok.

Telling me what I cannot do used to be the fastest way to anger me.  What can I say? I was a sucker for a challenge and the opportunity to prove someone wrong.  When I had the aforementioned conversation with someone, I made it my mission to prove them wrong.  And…I did. However, it came with a hefty price that I am still making payments on to this day. Exes are exes for a reason, and I fully understand why you cannot have a relationship with some.  It is also possible to cultivate a great friendship out of a past relationship. To deny yourselves that chance just because you are no longer an item is a disservice to both of you.


In most effective relationships, communication is a big part of how two people continue to stay together. You talk. You relate. You share secrets, ideas, and crazy thoughts about government with each other.  If you broke up for another reason that has nothing to do with communication, why stop talking to each other?  Continuing the friendship will help both of you!  You can take that same style of communication into your next relationship OR adjust the style to fit your new person.

Life does not stop because you two chose to go your separate ways.  When you two were together, you experienced special moments in your lives.  Keeping your ex as a part of your life will give you someone to discuss those special moments with.  One of the coolest memories I have with one of my exes is when his mom decided to get married on a Saturday. She gave us no warning.  Most of us were in clothes to clean a house.  Nonetheless, I put on one of her dresses and was a witness to her very intimate and special nuptials.

One of my awesome coworkers told me that the word “FAIL” was an acronym for “First Attempt in Learning”.  When I think of my relationships with my exes, I think of the failures in that light.  Continuing a relationship with an ex can give you someone to help you know what not to do or accept from the next relationship.  You have someone who knows you and can help you do better moving forward.

Continuing a relationship with an ex while moving forward to someone else is NOT…I repeat NOT…for the immature. It takes a lot of maturity and respect in order to be friends with someone who you have shared intimate, funny, stressful, and crazy moments with. Just like you do with regular friends, please choose your friends who are exes wisely. Also, transparency is key with your next partner. Some people do not like people who are friends with exes. So, make sure to have that conversation early.  If they choose to stay, Yay! If they choose to leave, it is their loss…NOT yours.

I have exes that I cannot even look at without wanting to commit felonies.  Then, I have exes that are my best friends, and I truly appreciate their presence.  Friendships make it a little easier to survive this thing called life. Do not miss out on a friendship because a relationship did not work.

Staff Writer; J. W. Bella

May also follow this talented sister online over at; JWB Writes.

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