Friday, May 24, 2024

Stop Moving on Without Healing.

February 13, 2020 by  
Filed under Health & Wellness, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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( As black women many of us have hurt that stem from various kinds of abuse growing up. To add to this, there has been the issues we’ve collected from dealing with people in our adult life…especially in the area of relationships. Sometimes we feel moving forward is the best thing to do so we do this without healing the areas we know are hurt. There are times we may not be ready to deal with certain pain, but we also don’t want to be stagnant, so movement is the plan. In most cases this is not the advice we would give other sisters. We want them to consider themselves and what it would mean to move through life in pain. We also won’t accept this as an excuse from others. In a time when the word toxic is in high use…some of us are quick to label a situation or person toxic without any regard to the possibility that if they are toxic so are we.

Sisters we must make healing a priority first and foremost for self. When we allow ourselves to embark on a healing process, and therapy if needed, we are taking the time to love self. We are tackling the issues that make us feel we are not worthy of love and care. We are addressing any validation issues that are on the table and are working towards learning we are enough regardless of others. Healing allows us to release the guilt involved in the actions of other and hold them responsible while accepting accountability for our behavior. Healing can help us deal with depression and manage any mental health needs we may have. Running from any of these things under the guise of moving forward is doing a great disservice to self. The first person that deserves our very best is self.

Another reason we must embrace healing is so that we don’t succumb to hypocrisy. We don’t want a partner to bleed all over us. We don’t need to be with someone that is so injured that they abuse us. They are toxic not because they mean to be, but because they won’t acknowledge the need for healing and head down that path. There are so many posts on social media warning women they don’t have to endure “struggle love”. Well, neither do men. When we don’t deal with our need for healing we become everything that we don’t deserve…in this space we can become the toxic person in the relationship. While we are challenging black men to heal so they can avoid damaging us…we must be willing to do the same.

Healing is a wonderful thing, but it requires patience and it will not be an easy path. Facing the things that harm us is not easy. Removing the power hurtful people have in our life is difficult as some of them are people we love. However, no matter the difficulty we must make healing a priority. We can’t keep moving without it because in that space moving forward is a delusion as we are going nowhere fast. Trying to move without healing just guarantees we are going to hurt ourselves…and possibly someone else.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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