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Back to You.

December 3, 2019 by  
Filed under Health & Wellness, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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( The Persuaders declared that “there’s a thin line between love and hate”. Nearly 50 years later those same words ring true.  Both are emotions with a lot of passion attached. One false move can turn a beautiful fit of adoration into a hate fest. The same goes for self-care and selfishness. Society and social media have so many mixed messages about what to do for yourself, and the level of health it supplies you as a person.  As women, this thin line is crossed almost every day we exist since we have so many responsibilities and roles. How do you know how to balance and walk this rope effectively?  It takes knowing and understanding the meaning of both self-care and selfishness first in order to help you know when you are doing something to benefit yourself and when you are being completely narcissistic.

First, self-care appears to be a very understandable term that combines two simple words.  Well, they should be simple words.  When you have cloudiness on what these terms mean to you, it can be very difficult to know how to actually execute the word.  Self-care means two things:  you have to have a pretty clear definition of who you are.  This definition will help you to care in the most effective way possible for yourself.  I, for example, spent most of my childhood concerned with the opinions of others. The best practice of self-care for me was attempting to fix everyone else’s problems. In my head, if I fixed their issues I would automatically fix my issues.  This was NOT what happened AT. ALL.  I ended up caring more for others than myself which never gave me the opportunity to love me consistently.  It is important to know yourself in order for you to care for yourself.

Most villains in fiction stories have an extreme level of selfishness that is almost arrogant and extremely antagonizing. This is not by accident.  Selfishness helps perpetuate the negative personality needed to make the protagonist needs to appear awesome to the audience.  I also believe that selfishness receives a really bad reputation.  Please do not misinterpret my statement; selfishness can be a bad thing. If you think about the definition; however, you realize that selfishness calls for one to be concerned about their well-being.  There is a way to be concerned about your well-being and still be considerate of others.

So where does self-care turn into narcissism?  Knowing the answer to this question can truly save you a lot of heartache and pain from others.  Consider the following when attempting to answer this question:

* Who is your concern? Self-care allows you to determine ways to protect your well-being, but you still have empathy for others. Selfishness is not as kind. It will tailor make any situation into being only about you.

* How do you react when people share? When you practice self-care, you can listen to others and not feel as if their problem is your problem. Why?  You already know what your problems are.  Can you solve them right now? Probably not. At least you know the issues exist. Selfishness, on the other hand, makes anybody else’s problem your own.  This is not just “I know what you are coming from”.  This is “I’ve been through exactly the same thing and this is how”. You start to make any and everything about you, even when it is not necessary.

* What does the silence say to you? People who practice effective self-care have the beautiful ability to accept silence. They use the silence to regroup and reset so they can be better for themselves and others. Selfish people hate silence, and they usually choose one of two ways to deal with it:

    • Option A: They are never alone. They want to be around people for the company and to have someone to complain to.
    • Option B: They are never alone.  They want to be around people to listen to their problems and ignore their own.

Consider these questions to determine if you are practicing what is best for your well-being or damaging for you and everyone else around you.

Staff Writer; J. W. Bella

May also follow this talented sister online over at; JWB Writes.

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