Thursday, July 18, 2024

I’d Rather be Alone.

November 30, 2019 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( Relationships can be such beautiful things. To know you have that one person that sees the beauty in you, and encourages you to be your better self is special. It is a wonderful feeling to know that whatever you face you aren’t facing alone. You don’t expect perfection just a willingness to grow together that is made clear in word and deed. When that re-assurance is present you are able to work through rough patches, and compromise on how to move forward.  However, this is a difficult space when you thought you had this kind of relationship only to find out the person you are with has a goal, and that is to conform you to what they think you should be. This is dangerous because that’s where the relationship takes a turn from something promising to something questionable. That turn can leave you feeling like you were baited into the relationship under false pretenses. Some sistahs stay in that space and try to work it out, compromise, and even change things about themselves; in that space it might be best to be alone.

If you find that the person you are with has begun the down the path of judging everything you do as if nothing is good enough, he talks to you like need his guidance because you can’t think for yourself, and you can no longer relate on a spiritual level you have to weight the reality of what the relationship is showing you verses what you want it to be. Lying to yourself to absolve your partner of wrongdoing is betrayal of the worst kind. It is important not stay in spaces that will no longer nourish you because that decision opens the door for many different levels of abuse. Before a situation gets that far along you have to remember your dignity. Sometimes being alone allows you to re-evaluate what you want in a relationship while sending a clear message that you will not stick around to be an emotional punching bag, nor will you have your self-esteem toyed with. If companionship is what you require there is nothing wrong with that, just don’t want it at the price of your dignity.

Sistahs I remember being with a brother that I truly believed was the perfect one for me. For about nine months I was on a cloud. He treated me like a queen, and I loved our conversations about various things going on in the world. He knew about my illness and appeared super supportive. He even went to some of my doctor’s appointments with me. I just knew I had found Mr. Right! However, he began making small suggestions about my hair, and he slowly brought everything about me into question. He knew everything, so he thought, so there was no more exchange of ideas because I needed to “stay in my place”.

When those words were spoken, I was livid! I went home and decided to re-evaluate my relationship.  I found that I wanted partner…not someone that treated me like a delicate child…as I’m a grown woman last I checked. Of course, when I brought this to his attention, he tried to make me feel like I was mistaken as he would never say such a thing. On that note the relationship ended. As the old song says: “I’d rather be alone then be unhappy.” Relationships can be wonderful, but not at the expense of who you are as an individual, and free thinker.  Allowing the right person to come along is well worth the wait.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

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