Friday, April 12, 2024

Boundaries are Revealing.

November 19, 2019 by  
Filed under Health & Wellness, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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( Self-care is finally getting the attention it deserves. Too many of us take care of others, but totally neglect self. This tends to happen regardless of marital status, or if you have children. It seems much ca be demanded of us by those we call friends and family. Setting boundaries in your life will allow you to have the time you need to take care of your personal self, and your responsibilities. Too many of us have that person in our life that we love, but they feel they have ownership of our time. They are allowed to live life and take care of themselves. However, we are expected to drop everything for them, and if we do not, we are not loving them properly. Boundaries don’t have to be some overly obnoxious set of life rules. It could be something as simple are you take calls after 9pm; you know what it takes for you to prepare yourself for the next day. It’s okay to want to end your night decompressing, and in meditation so that you can wash the day away…or whatever you choose to do at 9pm. The problem arises when someone knowingly disregards the boundary because they “need” to talk.

You can tell what kinds of people are in your life based on how they respond to the boundaries you set in place as a result of working on self. Some will be very happy for you and wonder why you had not made these changes sooner. They will stand with you and act as accountability partners because they want to see you have a better quality of life. They aren’t selfish and see your time as their time. These are the family and friends that are showing you real love and support. As your life evolves for the better, they will be in your corner. They could have a situation arise, but they won’t cross your boundaries if that’s what’s required for help. These are the people that are good to you, and for you. You don’t mind going out of your way or making an exception for them, because you know they will do the same for you. There is a mutual respect, and encouragement of boundaries.

Unfortunately, everyone will not be supportive. If you go with the no calls after 9pm example…some will ask what about emergencies. The problem with that logic is they are not talking about agreed upon emergencies. These friends and family members are talking about spaces they deem important because its about them…therefore it should be an emergency or priority to you. I mean…how dare you not put them first. These people place themselves above everything else regardless of the situation.

You could have a death in your family or are dealing with the grief of such and they expect you to answer the phone and listen to their problems. They expect you to should up for them; if you don’t answer they feel you are dismissing them or abandoning them. The problem is when you need them to do the same for you, they have no issues telling you they don’t feel like talking. Their life is more important. even when you do get a chance to talk to them, they hear you and say the least bit possible so the conversation can switch back to them. Understand these people will not support you having boundaries because it doesn’t benefit them.

Having boundaries will show you who is supportive of you, and who’s toxic to you. Though it can be difficult in the beginning, you need this to take place in your life to see peace manifest. It is important that you do what’s necessary to handle your business and take care of your self in every aspect necessary. Setting boundaries that allow you to handle your priorities is positive, and it’s responsible. Never allow anyone to make you feel guilty for doing what is best for you.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

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