Sunday, July 14, 2024

The Village Doesn’t Always Forgive.

August 13, 2019 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( It is a blessing to have a village that is supportive of you and your family. Having a sister circle that you can call on in times of need is a priceless blessing. These are women, and possibly their partners and family, that are loyal to you without question. They very well may accept your partner as family, and love them dearly, but they never have any issues about where their original loyalty lies. They are even a balance that will hold you accountable for how you behave in your relationship. Just as they will be there for you in challenging times, they will also remind you that you can’t treat your partner poorly. They will tell you when you are wrong and need to make amends. You may find that you’ve developed a habit of telling the sisters in your village everything. So, when problems arise, they are the first set of phone calls you make but depending on the issue you might want to reconsider that course of action.

It is not wise to discuss all marital problems with your sister circle…primarily where it concerns your spouse. Its one thing to bring issues involving yourself to them for advice, but you might find the climate of your circle will respond differently when you sit down to discuss the behavior of your spouse. Before you vent, or bad mouth, the spouse you need to decide on if you plan on continuing your marriage. This is important because your village may not be as forgiving as you. If your spouse cheated on you, and the two of you decided you want to work through the situation and fight for your marriage this is something you might want to keep in house. Maybe it is a discussion for the marriage counselor, which is bound by confidentiality, and is not a member of your family.

Talking to your sisters about the infidelity might damage the village as they very well may hate your spouse out of allegiance to you even if they don’t say a word the dynamic of the relationship won’t be the same. If you were to cheat on said spouse your circle may very well check you on it and express their disappointment but you are their family so they will still love you. Your spouse more than likely won’t get the same treatment.

Should you find yourself constantly speaking to your circle about verbal abuse or being taken for granted they may try to be a positive support system to both sides. In the spirit of loving both members of the couple they may offer subliminal advice to your spouse while speaking to you directly. However, over time if you continue to be treated in a toxic manner, and you are doing all you can to do right by partner, they will become cold towards said partner.

Understand that it is very difficult not to vent where you are most comfortable, but if you want your village to be able to continue moving forward without attacking your partner over time consider the information you share. If you plan on staying keep certain information away form that village as they will never be able to unhear it once it comes out. You won’t be able to judge them for taking a protective position as they are loyal to you, and the position is valid. Your village doesn’t have to forgive those that harm you.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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