Thursday, July 18, 2024

He Need to Know.

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( There is plenty discussion on what some men need to do to be an active participant in the life of their children. However, its time that we come together as women to encourage each other to give our children a fair opportunity to know their father. Far too often we pass off personal individual experience as the state of our people overall. There are men out there fighting to be parents outside of merely financial obligation. There are sisters that purposely make it difficult for fathers to be in the life of their children because of the relationship between the parents went sour.

If we are to continue the fight for equality, we must hold ourselves accountable to the same standard we expect. Having a baby doesn’t give us the right to block the parental rights of the father until we are ready for them to participate. Granted there are many sisters that will make the argument that many men are given the opportunity to be fathers and choose not to. We understand that is the case for some, yet statistically black men are more involved in the lives of their children than many other groups. They are not merely the dead beats society would like us to believe.

Furthermore, we must understand that we don’t want to begin the discussion of mothers that aren’t there for their children. Its hard for women that are good mothers to understand there are many women that are not. Many children have met their end because mom was negligent, and the courts wanted to fight the father that was fighting to get custody of their child. Even with all this discussion there is one particular area that we as women must consider.

Regardless of the fear of rejection if we have consensual sex with a man, and become pregnant…he needs to know. We can’t discuss absent fathers if the man doesn’t know he’s a father. No matter how upset you might be with the man, or the nature of your relationship with him…he is half of the DNA that created that child and he should to be given the right to be a parent. Furthermore, keeping this secret is selfish when you consider the child. You will be raising a child that is missing part of themselves because of a decision you made. Even if you end up in a great relationship whereby another man accepts your child as his own…he is still not the biological father. One day that child will find themselves searching for the father they may feel abandoned them.

You risk hurting your relationship with said child when they find out their father never knew they existed. If the person you are with is unaware of this, they are put in a bad situation of having raised a child that is still searching… a child that may no longer want to refer to him as dad.  If that child faces health challenges or needs, there is another half of them that you have dismissed. It is very important to know the medical history of both sides of one’s family if possible.

As mothers it is very important that we are fair to our children. This means giving them a fair opportunity to have a positive relationship with their father. Granted there are situations whereby men will decide they don’t want to be a part of the child’s life, as some women have also, and that has to be handled in a manner to protect the child as much as possible. Not wanting anything to do with a man because the relationship just didn’t work is no reason to hide a child from him. Not only does he need to know, he has a right to know. The “mamma’s baby daddy’s maybe” old saying needs to die. As parents we must all do our part to ensure our children have everything they need.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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