Monday, July 15, 2024

You are NOT One of His Guys Article.

November 29, 2018 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Weekly Columns

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( The bond between a man and his friends, is different than that with you, his woman.  Some women feel the need to act like “one of the guys” to keep their man’s attention.  This is far from the truth.  Just be you.  A man that really wants you in his life, wants you because he loves and adores you in your own unique way.  You shouldn’t alter who you are as a person just to try and make someone like you.  You are an individual that requires individual needs.  Don’t devote your time trying to fit in the relationship, by acting like one of his friends.  He’s not dating or married to his friends for a reason (smile).

If your man loves football, but you cringe at the thought of watching it, great!  That’s his time to hang out with his friends and you go do something on your own or with your girlfriends.  Don’t torture yourself or your partner, sitting through hours of watching a football game that you really don’t like.  That’s a perfect time to do something for you, uninterrupted.  Absence makes the heart grow, right?  In a healthy relationship, both partners have their own separate hobbies, friends, etc.  Don’t become dependent on your partner to be everything and everyone you need in your life.

Comparison can be dangerous.  If you find yourself always comparing yourself to his relationship with his friends, stop!  He’s known his friends longer than you and frankly there’s nothing to compare.  Come to terms with, your man is not going to treat you like one of his guy friends.  It becomes annoying when you try to force that type of bond in your relationship and your partner may become more distant towards you in the end.

Remember the movie, “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson?  Well Hudson’s character became obsessively jealous of her boyfriend’s friends (that was a part of the plan to make him break up with her, hence the title of the movie).  Although it annoyed him tremendously, he did his best to stay in the relationship, no matter what stunts she pulled.  In real life, that doesn’t happen.  The guy will eventually dump the girl if she is too clingy or dependent upon him in a healthy relationship.

Some women want their partner to be their everything and that is not possible.  Men and women think different and are made different, so trying to mold your partner into accepting you as one of his friends, just is not going to work out for you.  Look at the conversations and things that you do with your girlfriends, talking about menstrual cycles, menopause, motherhood, etc.  Do you really think your man wants to and will enjoy those types of conversations with you?  Of course not.  He will probably listen to you but trust me, he’s probably wishing he was somewhere else doing something else manly with his male friends.

Psychologists have often said that time apart from your partner is better than having sex and makes relationships last longer.  It is extremely important to maintain your separate lives, interests, friends and time for yourself, once you enter into a relationship.  So many women, loose themselves in relationships because they give up their lives and solely focus on being with their partner.  Then the relationship ends, she’s left alone and he’s off still enjoying his life because his life never stopped once their relationship began.

Again, you are NOT his friends.  Be the amazing woman that he fell in love with because she had an amazing life outside of him and that turned him on to you.  If you feel like you’ve lost yourself in a man, gain your independence back, we’re here rooting for you!

Staff Writer; Felicia T. Simpson

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