Sunday, February 25, 2024

All Grieving isn’t the Same.

September 17, 2018 by  
Filed under Health & Wellness, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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( When tragedy hits us, and days remind us of what we lost, we look to our support systems for help getting through those times. Sisters it’s very important to understand your grief process has to work for you. This can cause added discomfort because we can find ourselves being evaluated based on how we respond to grief. Some may believe the cycles of grieve are universal, but how they manifest in your life has to be in a manner that you can live with.

In an effort to help and be supportive others can try to over stand what they may not understand about what you are going though and how you feel. Though loss is universal how it happens is not. Every woman that loses a child has a different experience. Every woman that loses her parents has a different experience. We must allow those differences to get us to a functioning place…just as we do the similarities that bring us together.

The judgment of how one grieves can lead to feeling isolated and even combative. When I lost my father, I had people in my life that had also lost a parent. There was no way to describe the loss, and I still can’t get a handle on the pain. I was told there was something I was going to have to let out. I needed to unleash how I was feeling to help lift the burden of the pain I was enduring. Some thought I was just trying to be strong and took that in a negative way. However, what was not understood is my method of dealing with trauma was never to emotionally come to pieces.

To have a cry for me was different than going into an emotional rage. I didn’t wan to scream, holler, break things, or fall apart. I knew myself and the state of my health. I had to realize it was okay not to cry when everything happened, and it’s okay that I don’t cry every day. I had to be at peace with understanding what I needed. When his death anniversary or Father’s Day comes around I don’t really want to talk…and that is okay also.

There is no one solid way to handle grief. If you choose to deal with it in a very extroverted manner by which you are able to express your feeling to those you trust that is a good thing. If you are more in your thoughts and need to work things our within yourself…that is also a good thing. The thing is you just need to find a way to begin the healing process. No one will know which route is best for you, but you. Never allow yourself to feel as though that choice is being taken from you because you will find yourself hurting people that only mean to help. Get the assistance you need for you when you need it and process your situation according to who you are. Just as we are not a monolith neither is the way we respond to loss, and it is okay.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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