Saturday, July 13, 2024

Did You Choose Him.

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( When my male friends come to hang out, and they decide to unburden their woman problems, they wanted me to give them a non-bias opinion of why they are so unhappy. They just don’t understand why their woman, and sometimes child’s mother, doesn’t see them for who they are. Why are am I so misunderstood is a common question. They tend to start from the beginning of the problems and one thing that was apparent is they were not caught off guard. They were given signs that this lady just might be the embodiment of crazy. However, the red flags were overlook because she’s beautiful, she’s an amazing cook, she makes him feel like he’s special, and he’s different from the men in her past.

The running theme here is he felt he could overlook the flags because somehow, he was enough to circumvent all of the things that he knew could go wrong. If he tried to give her the world, if he was attentive to her, if he put her needs over his, if he treated her like the queen she is everything would be okay. Well, everything did not pan out to be okay. Who she was, in time, came out and now he’s in a very unpleasant situation…of his own making. With all the knowledge he had…he chose her.

Granted sometimes we don’t see everything going in, and find ourselves caught off guard, but when that happens what we do next determines if we are allowing ourselves to be misused. I admit that in my experience its much harder to tell my male friends the truth about their situations then it is to get sisters to even listen. The issue is if you give a man everything you have, and you are a good woman to him he is supposed to be good to you.

This is only fair; however, we know all people are not fair. If we spend more time fantasizing about what this man could be verses who he is, we put ourselves in the position to be unhappy. “So, are you saying the way he treats me is my fault? I did nothing to deserve this”! then problem is simple my sisters his behavior, and who he is isn’t your fault at all. You can not shoulder any blame for the decisions another person chooses to make.

The question you do need to pose to yourself in honesty is why you chose this man. He did not become hell overnight. How much behavior did you excuse? How many situations did you overlook? What were the red flags in the situation? He decisions are not what you need to analyze. You must however analyze your own. If he wants to be concrete, why bust your head against it. When everyone you trust including your own guts told you to walk away…what made you stay?

If you don’t want to find yourself in a cycle of messed up relationships you must hold all parties accountable for their actions and decisions…including yourself. When you decide to try to make a man Mr. Right that doesn’t have the basic criteria you are in trouble. Just as men need to make better choices so do we. If we choose crazy and irresponsible we can’t be surprised when it behaves in said fashion. No should see themselves as the exception to the negative behavior of another. I say this because in pressured situations who they are will come out without question. Did you choose him? If the answer is yes, forgive yourself…heal, and make better choices going forward.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

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