(ThySistas.com) It’s very easy to get caught up in the fairytale, or romance novel, of what a marriage is. It is also easy to look at the people in our lives as determine what marriage should be, or what it cannot be, based on the marriages we see. Both of these perspectives are different because no two marriages are the same. Everyone does not want the same thing in a spouse…some don’t mind open marriages while some can never abide such. Because marriage means so many things to different people the one variable you can control is self. It’s is very important to know yourself before you get married. Now, I am not talking about having a list of rules and expectations a mile long that no human being can fulfill.
I am speaking directly to knowing what kind of woman you are, and what you need. This is difficult for many women because many
genuinely believe they know themselves. However, the woman they know is based on the expectations of others…and often times they are looking at the women that raised them when they look in the mirror. Though you love your mother, grandmother, sister, and aunts you are NOT those women and you must find out who you are.
Far too often women come to a knowledge of themselves after they marry, and may find that they are unfulfilled, unhappy, and are with a man that doesn’t understand them. You can’t show a man how to love you when you don’t know what entails loving you. Knowing yourself also allows for healing of past situations and emotional pain.
You may wear the scars, but you don’t have to be in a state whereby you are making choices that will affect your spouse based on the actions of someone else. When we run into these problems with men we are very adamant that we have no business paying for what the previous woman has done. If we can have our way when married, we don’t want our husband to reflect on the women of his past at all. He needs to be in the present moving towards the future with us, and that is only fair. We must be willing to offer the same focus on our present.
When you know yourself you will be able to speak truth to your intended because there may be things he needs to know so that you can feel safe, and fulfilled in your marriage. Scars are real, but if you haven’t come to terms with yourself how can your spouse love you in the manner you need. It is common knowledge that marriage cannot fix everything for neither party involved. However, you owe it to yourself to know who you are as a woman.
Understand your love language, what order is for you, how you run a home, areas you require comfort and encouragement, and even the areas you would want a spouse to help you excel. Having a partner that is your friend, protector, confidant, accountability partner, and lover is priceless. If can happen, but before you also commit to be those things for another know you…aside for others. You must come to a place whereby when you look in the mirror the only person you see is you.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.