Friday, March 1, 2024

Four Things to Discuss Before Committing.

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(ThySistas.comFor a lot of older millennials, the push to live the American dream of having a family, great career, car, house and a white picket fence weighs on us. As a person in my early 30s, I feel the tug to have all of these things. Seeing people I went to school with having babies, getting married and buying houses definitely makes me think about doing the same.

Sometimes, because a person is of a certain age, the expectation to have x,y and z can cause him or her to rush into something that seems good but may not be totally right. No matter where you are in life, you have got to consider what is important to you. And when you are thinking about fully committing to someone, you cannot be afraid to have the conversations that let you know where your potential significant other (SO) stands.

Let’s look at some topics, subjects, and values to discuss before really committing to a relationship.

Religion – What do You Believe?

It works for some folks, but for others, being with someone that shares different religious views can be a deal breaker. You should know where your SO stands on religious matters. This is important because if your spiritual beliefs differ, you have to learn how to compromise and incorporate each one into your life. You also have to decide how you will raise your children. It can be too much to deal with and it’s good to know in the beginning before you get your emotions too caught up.

Money – How do you Handle It?

What is the other person’s view of money? How do they spend it? Who do they believe should handle it, etc.? Financial hardships are the number one reasons for divorce in America. It’s a conversation that you would be behooved to have before things get serious.

Conflict – What is Your Approach to Resolving it?

Knowing how the other person deals with conflict will help you better understand if it will work for you and how you deal with conflict. If they shy away, remain quiet or become cold in order to deal with their feelings, it may not work if you are the total opposite. Knowing this kind of thing will open up a conversation about how to handle tough situations when they arise down the road.

Children – Do You Want to Have Them?

This is a huge one that people don’t always talk about.  The truth is, many people just assume that the other person wants to have children, but there are some who don’t. Knowing this, in the beginning, will save you a world of heartache later because more often than not, you won’t change his or her mind on this topic.

Marriage – Do You Believe in It?

A lot of people don’t believe in marriage but still participate in romantic relationships. This is fine, you just need to know up front if that’s the case. You don’t want to put your effort into something that isn’t going toward the altar if that’s what you ultimately want.

These are hard questions that can save you from a relationship with someone with a very different and thus, incompatible, view of life.

Staff Writer; Rasheda Abdullah

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