Monday, May 27, 2024

Self-Care Guilt is Real.

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( We are taught from a young age that as women we are to care for the needs of others. We watch our elders give family, church and community all they have until it pains them. Some of us grow up wanting to defy the social construct we grew up in because we don’t want to live in a paradigm by which we are always last. It’s not a matter of not understanding how to care for self…there is a guilt that comes with caring for self. Some women have been fortunate enough to marry men that take a care I their overall wellbeing.

That man encouraged “you” time, spa day, regular salon appointments, gym memberships, and your involvement in the community and women’s organizations of your choice. Some men also encourage the times whereby you just need the day or a few hours to yourself. However, even when this is the case some of us find it very difficult to invest in our personal care. When we neglect to care for ourselves we run the risk of not only tearing self down, but we began to detest our living situation.

We love our family and our babies, but when we allow ourselves to be put on the back burner out of guilt bitterness will begin to set in not just towards our family, but towards other women that we see taking care of themselves. It truly is hard for some of us to go into the store and shop for ourselves without feeling we must grab something for everyone else in which case we often put the items for self back on the shelf. Yet, as we are shopping we quietly envy the sister that is shopping for herself and enjoying it. Many of us say “of but I can’t do things for me because I have to do for other” then resent the position. Anger manifests when our man doesn’t put items for himself back…we’ll eventually get angry if he buys anything for himself because if we neglect our self he should do the same. We take that position even when our mate encourages self-care on our part.

Ladies I totally understand how hard it can be to do for yourself when your heart is full with love for others. However, you can’t love them fully when you are not loving on self. If doesn’t make you a bad person nor does it make you selfish to get your hair done, to have a spa day to build yourself up. When you feel wonderful about yourself you spread that beautiful energy to all you encounter.

Remember your daughter is watching you, and she is learning to take care of herself…neglect herself…or she’s planning on being everything you are not because in her eyes you are suffering. Your son is also learning from watching your care for yourself. He will learn that a woman needs time to love on herself, and this is to be supported and encouraged by the man in her life.

Don’t let guilt stand in the way of what you need to love yourself fully. Don’t let guilt cause you to live a life by which you are always last even when those you love want you to be first. Let others help carry the weight, love you, and most importantly be sure to love yourself. When you embrace self-care, you will impart lessons to your children that are priceless, and your mate will better understand how to love, care for, and adore you.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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