Saturday, June 3, 2023

Part 4: What Women Want – Good Company.

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( We have all heard the saying: you are the company you keep.  I believe these words are not only true, but equally important to live by.  When I was young and my parents used to constantly remind me that I am the company I keep,  I used to think it was their feeble attempt at keeping me from having friends.  Of course, it wasn’t until I became an adult that I truly understood the real meaning of those words.   Now, I tell my daughters the same thing: you are the company you keep. One meaning is: if you hang out with people who are prone (for lack of better words) to getting into trouble, you will eventually end-up in trouble yourself.  But I also tell them one other very important thing: never judge a book by its cover.  

Naturally, I realized this is easier said than done, but as an adult I try very hard to pick my friends based on the company I want to keep. For example,  my girlfriends and I are like the girls from the TV series  The Golden Girls . It’s cheesy, I know, but it’s true   My golden girls and I met at work, and right away we clicked. Sounds cliched, but true. Ours is a three way friendship and eachGroup of female friends doing online shopping person serves a purpose.  When one door opens, three walk in. When one is feeling lousy, the other two pick up the tab at the bar. When other relationships need reevaluation, two get an ear full.  If you see one, the other two are not far behind.   We celebrate each other’s successes like it was our own and motivate one another for the better. Truth is, there is nothing I would not do for my girls.     

A few weeks ago my friend T, the proud Marraine (French for Godmother) of my one year old daughter came over for a visit. We reminisced and laughed over silly things we do when all three of us are together.  We joke about how I am always the one who suggests we go to a bar.  And  usually if we listen to our other friend trouble is not far behind. Trust me, nothing that involves a mug-shot, but more like a drunk purchase of a questionable toy that led me to later wonder: what the hell was I thinking. 

True story, picture this: New York, one sunny afternoon after work, we walked into an Olive Garden restaurant in midtown.   After waiting for what felt like hours, (I was hungry) the waiter seated us in the back of the restaurant. Wasting no time we eyed the prices (we were pinching pennies)  on the menu, looked at each other, and instinctively knew what each other was thinking.

We then got up slowly from our seat and made our way out of the restaurant while neither one of us said a word.  Today, I’d like to imagine that I walked out of that restaurant with my head held high. Also we talked about our vacations together. The mini unplanned vacation to Atlantic City that included shopping, T asking some stranger in the back of the bus for a bottle opener and later me in the bathroom of some club feeling like I was about to pass out from drinking too much red-bull, and alcohol. When I wanted to go, we all left together no questions asked or judgements passed.  And then there was our first trip to Jamaica together. That was a TRIP! Let’s just say, after we discovered that our online reservation got screwed up, I should have been nominated for an Academy Award in the best actress category.  One word: FUN!

During her visit that weekend my friend T and I talked about how some people don’t believe that real friendships exists anymore. Not true, because I know too many women who have long lasting friendships.  My sister has been friends with her best friend since middle school and my daughters too have similar friendships. Now, I realize  some friendships run their course and others are just not worth keeping.  But at the same time, I want to erase the stigma that women cannot be good friends, because women are catty, and hate each other, especially when one is successful and the other is not.  

And my personal favorite, the misconception that two women who want the same thing cannot occupy the same space, because there’s bound to be jealousy.  The truth is, we are all on the same team, because we all experience the same discriminations and biases. So, it is imperative that we stick up for each other and more importantly we have each other’s back.    

Finally, it peeves me to hear people make these false assumptions about women. It is important to keep in mind, because you are the company you keep, you should always keep the company who encourages, and respects you, and celebrates your successes when things are great. But more importantly company that is there for you when things are not so great. After all, a friend in need is truly a friend indeed.

Staff Writer; Kency Desmangles

One can also connect with this sister via Facebook; K. Desmangles.


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