Stop Creating Extra Space.
March 17, 2020 by ThySista
Filed under Health & Wellness, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns
(ThySistas.com) Mental health is finally starting to get the attention it deserves. There are many people walking around trying to make it from moment to moment to work their way through their day. Sometimes knowing the feeling of being alone in the world, or abandoned, shapes what one is willing to do for others. There are many people that go through life feeling like a liability…. like they are simply tolerated so they tend to have patience for others they encounter that deal with similar situations. I was once told that hurt people attract hurt people, and those with healing spirits attract hurt people. For whatever reason, those people that tend to attract the hurt make mental and emotional space where they know it doesn’t exist. They love hard and from a very loyal place. However, the fact that you are allowed to create the space is problematic. You will find yourself alone fighting for people that leave you to your own silence when the person needing a shoulder is you.
People that are standing with you in this thing called life probably know you have the ability to work through the hell in your world while applying care and empathy to their life. They know you will find the time, you will summon the energy to have that extra conversation you shouldn’t have; when you tell them you’re in pain it’s a problem if they continue to pile on the pressure. You don’t need the person to have the same emotional capacity, and that’s not what you are asking for, you need them to have a care for your well-being. This issue often doesn’t become the confrontation that is necessary because instead of saying I don’t have the mental space today can we do this a bit later…you continue to create the space they need.
Value yourself, and your mental health. Though you may be able to give what you should not everything has a cost, and they are gone on with their life while you pay. Being a real support to someone requires patience, compassion, and lots of energy. In some of the exchanges the energy is transferred, and you are left with the heaviness of the person you care about. The question is would they carry your heaviness? Did they ever stop to see if you were okay after they dumped the negativity? If the answer is no, it may be time to re-evaluate that person’s priority in your life.
Please know speaking on what you are going through to someone whose weight you carry often should be a safe space. They should not regard you as negativity simply because they are tired or having a good day. In that moment they have disregarded the times you created space were there was none. They have forgotten all the days you sat with them and helped work them through crisis while putting your good day, or terrifying day on the back burner. These kinds of encounters are why you must stop creating space.
Allow yourself the right to acknowledge your mental space. Never allow someone to guilt you into creating mental space when you are tapped out. Your self-care demands you speak up for yourself and say no when you need to. This is not an indictment of your strength, on the contrary it takes strength to confront mistreatment regardless of intention. Give yourself the grace and love you give others.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.
