(ThySistas.com) Wanting to see Black women win is top tier, and we need to see more of this out loud. We are a group that are known to have the pulse of the community, and nation at our fingertips. One can argue making sure Black women have a seat at the table when discussing community, cities, and leadership. We are a temperature gauge of the climate of the environment around them. We can also advise, organize, and create the foundation of a space. In those capacities we don’t just show up, but we hold others to account and demand responsibility. We demand that you check your demographics when they are out of order and hold them accountable. If you are unable, Black women will speak to the matter bluntly. We will correct those at fault and speak on those that allowed the fault to occur unchecked. There is nothing wrong with this. In part, the backbone of our community is built upon it. However, no one is above learning, correction, and a reminder. It is important that we, as Black women, do not begin to sound like our oppressors in terms of women. Accountability is something all must be responsible to, and all includes Black women.
It is wonderful to want to see a Sistah win. It is a beautiful thing when we get out and support other Black women in both the private and public sector. We are giving care to our sistahs when we sit when them and comfort them in their time of need and sorrow. In like fashion we must also love them enough to say, you were wrong about that. To remind them, “Sis if that was don’t to you we’d be ready to fight so lets not do the same to another.” It is out responsibility to say no this has to stop, you can’t abuse other sistahs, you should not hit this man, you shouldn’t project trauma onto your kids…or sis please don’t embarrass yourself or us in public. None of this is shaming each other. This is holding each other as accountable as we hold others. This is a part of what love looks like. If you say, I’m more of an address it behind closed doors…that’s fine however, the problem is we are not addressing it.
I sat in a gathering of just Black women behind a closed door and watched us cape for a sistah that was completely out of pocket in a way that could affect us down the line. When anyone tried to mention, maybe next time we should address this differently…or sis how you handled this matter was wrong and the consequences are costly most of the room attacked her. Other sistahs insisted we support the one in the wrong, called for her not to be shamed, brought up the actions and men that had nothing to do with the situation, and accused anyone speaking up is shaming, gaslighting, and not supporting their own. Luckily, none of that swayed me as I calmly ran down the reasons, in love, that the sistah would want to re-evaluate her behavior in their situations. I expressed this isn’t about shame, it’s about not allowing her to be shamed any further as the matter had become public. It literally took two hours to get the room to understand this was about growing and not being hypocrites.
Iron sharpens iron, that is what I was always taught. Sharpening is friction and confrontation; none of this has to be disrespectful as it can all be done in love…but it has to be done if we are to all be sharp together. If we can’t tell the truth when the door is closed, we have no right to demand that truth from anyone else. We are not the “Karens” of the world; shunning accountability is damaging to our person, witness, and community. It is damaging to each other. We are not white women…our mistakes are blown up and there is no grace for us.
It isn’t right but it is the world we live in, and to be honest regardless of the state of the world we ought not want to live in a way by which we are unaccountable, can’t be told anything, and can’t be taught anything. We are quick to ask Black men did they check their boys on the disrespect, the absentee father behavior, the mistreatment and violence against women, and of the state of our youth. Too many, not all, of us ask these questions but will overlook, ignore, or justify the damaging behaviors in each other from the private space to the public and political space. We are better than this. Before we can firmly continue to hold everyone else to a standard, we must continue to help each other maintain said standards by holding our sistahs accountable in love. There is no way we can continue to grow community without this part of sisterhood.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.