Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Capacity Isn’t A Scapegoat.

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(ThySistas.com) It seems fashionable, or should I say trendy, these days to take words and concepts and expend them beyond their meaning. It seems many are coming to terms with new diagnosis, new understandings of energy and spirituality…and with that comes the exploitation if those very things. As many of us are working to better understand who we are, and how we function there will always be those that seek to weaponize that information in some form. As the weaponization of terms becomes more common, those of us that sought to better understand self might find ourselves exploiting these very same concepts. Let’s be honest, being “triggered” has definitely weapon. We can talk for days about the misuse of the term trigger. Now everything is a trigger, and people want you to be responsible for what triggers them even if you didn’t know those things existed.

It’s like a relationship with land mines; you never know when an explosion is going to occur. Instead of working on the triggers and understanding no one else is responsible for healing you but you…others became casualties of the “trigger”. Instead of acknowledging this and taking ownership of the matter to change the behavior…it’s easier to make excuses and use the trigger as the reason to proclaim self the victim in a matter by which you are actually the aggressor. The same can be said for the concept of “capacity”. We are hearing more talk about one’s mental or spiritual capacity; basically, how much one can handle at one time or not. 

black woman NO REGRET

It is very thoughtful to consider, when going through a challenge or crisis, that the person you are needing to talk to might not be in the mental or spiritual space to handle what you are needing to share. There is nothing wrong with asking your person, “do you have the capacity to help me with this situation”. When this question is asked, one should be prepared to handle the answer either way. Don’t ask then get upset if the person tells you they need some time before they sit with you. The consideration should not be a formality, but a sincere position. I think we can all agree on this point. There is another side to this, and it is using capacity as a scapegoat to leave those you claim are your friends and loved ones hanging in their worst situations. Basically, leaving them in spaces that you just choose not to be present in (which is your choice), but would villainize those same persons if they were to give you a dose of your own medicine. This is a rotten thing to do, and it is a total misuse of the capacity concept.  

Hypocrisy has no place in a healthy relationship, and reciprocity is a necessity. This isn’t about being tired, past your limit, nor about self-care; this type of behavior is selfish and, in some cases, narcissistic in nature. If you never have the capacity to show care and consideration for those you claim to love, you don’t love them. That might seem harsh, but it’s a reality. Some have been left to deal with death, illness, and various manners of hurt alone while finding the capacity to pour love and care into the very people that “had no capacity” when the dark clouds darkened their door. We’ve got to do a better job of moving in sincerity with out village, before we look up to find ourselves standing alone. Sn individual is not going to wait forever while you decide whether, or not, you want to care. The misuse of capacity is cruel, and we should try honesty instead.  

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

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