(ThySistas.com) Two of the most powerful word you can say to another person, you claim to love and care about, is: “I apologize”. It takes an understanding of humility to not only acknowledge wrong doing, but to apologize for one’s part in said doing. One of the reasons it is so hard for many people that have been hurt to move on in healing, is because deep down they are waiting for the apology. When that apology doesn’t happen, it may feel like there is no true care for one’s person. It equates to a lack of value and can cause the person hurting to internalize their pain deeper causing one to devalue self. Every relationship has its hardships. No one is perfect so it’s impossible to be in a situation void of hurt and pain. What makes the difference is how those situations are handled. None of us can always maintain complete control.
Many of us are fighting for some form of authentic control over one’s self that isn’t a façade of such. So, you got in a heated argument and said some things that were extremely hurtful. You heard one side of a situation and decided that was the right side without giving the other person in your village an opportunity to speak. You heard the rumor but did nothing to stop it…and added commentary instead of shutting it down. There was a situation where fear was present, and you lied instead of dealing with the situation in truth. You found yourself, against sound counsel, in a situation whereby you were in over your head, and your decisions blew up in the face of those that love you. You felt threatened based on your insecurities, and not only did you project them onto someone that loves you, but you weaponized the situation to tarnish and attack them. As you see the situations that can happen are endless, but what you do next in all sincerity is where the hurt become a deep wound that could fester over time.
When the fall out happens acknowledge it and be accountable for it. This means you much humble yourself to hear what the offended party had to say, and you need to apologize…you know make a mends. Age and status have absolutely nothing to do with this situation. As a matter of fact, if you use your age or position to circumvent accountability you just made the matter worse. There comes a point where you must understand, especially if you are older or in a position of authority, that speaking and shutting down everyone else is not issue resolution. When you have hurt others there comes a point whereby you must put your pride aside and hear what they had to say. A part of apologizing in listening to the person you have hurt. It’s wrong to believe you can behave out of sorts, say what you want to say, deny everyone else the right to be heard, and then try to move forward with life and communication like nothing happened. This might be allowed for a season, but there will come a point whereby this situation can blow up terribly. You risk losing people you claim you love because of a refusal to be accountable, which includes humility.
The crazy thing about these kinds of situations is the main person that refuses to be accountable would be ready to have a complete fit if, or when, it’s them. You don’t want someone to talk over you, disrespect you, treat you with ill regard, lie to you to your face and away from it, treat your testimony and life traumas with a lack of care, or use you for resources while sowing seeds of discord about you. These are just some of the things that can be done to someone and when the hurt is levied, they are made to believe they just need to get over it. This is not love, and its not healthy for anyone involved.
If you find yourself in this situation, consider the hurt you’d feel if you were injured by someone you love, and they refused to acknowledge the situation only deepening the hurt. No one is perfect. The people in your village don’t expect perfection, but they should demand respect and consideration for their person.
Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele