Thursday, September 21, 2023

Mommy Issues are Just as Devastating.

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( I was once told that there is no love like that of a mother. I was told “Mother is God in the eyes of a child”. It was explained to me that one of the reasons Mother’s Day is so important is because a mother does for her child what no other human being can do…carry them in her body and give birth to them. Mom risks her life to bring her child into this world. Mom is the first heartbeat that child will ever know, their first love, source of nourishment, and first teacher. I was reminded that the love of a father is special, but there is no love greater on this earth than that of a mother and they deserve every honor we can give. As a mother of two, I agree with most of this sentiment. Furthermore, when I think of my mother my heart is full. My mother has been in my corner my entire life and if I am half the woman and mother, she is I am truly blessed. I realize that I am able to navigate many kinds of relationships, and I have overcome many life traumas because my mother loved me fiercely and openly. In my 40 years of living, she has never called me out of my name, passed judgement on me, nor discouraged me from reaching my goals.

As a matter of fact, I am reminded that I will always be her baby. My relationship with my dad is just as special and valuable to me. When I lost my dad everything in me shatter…unfortunately there were some that felt like, even in that hard time, I was lucky because at least I didn’t lose my mom. You see, many life issues, relationship issues, mental issues, abandonment issues, you name it are laid at the feet of fathers. Daddy issues is something that the community has no problems discussing. How daddy issues effect sons and daughters is a serious discussion so much so that when Father’s Day comes around the issues will be aired out. In all fairness if we aren’t going to do the same on Mother’s Day, we aren’t being fair. If daddy issues can turn a world upside down, Momma issues can shatter it completely.


As women it is time for us to have a very difficult come to Jesus. Many of us are suffering because of Momma issues. Some sistahs have horrible relationships with women to this day because the first bond they bad with a woman betrayed them. Some sistahs can’t take a compliment or love themselves because their mother didn’t love them. If mothers are to be on a pedestal, then their accountability must match…and in too many instances it doesn’t because she gave the child life. However, because she gave the child life the abuse hits differently. This is hard because it forces us to have to acknowledge the toxic, abusive, violent nature of some women.

In dealing with this matter many of us have to own that it’s not just dad issues, and in some cases, mom was at the root of why there was dad issues in the first place. It’s easier to say well this isn’t the majority, however there are more people dealing with mom issues than we want to own. It is taboo in black community to speak against our mothers. No matter what they do, or how harsh a mother maybe we are taught no matter what you only have one momma and never forget she gave you life. Think about that…no matter what mom is to be honored.

There are children that that have been (and are being) mentally, physically, sexually, and spiritually abused by their mother. There are adults to this day that have had their lives ruined for the love of their mothers. Daughters that are envied and abused by mom, and sons forced into unnatural allegiances like that of a lover to their mom. Yes, sons get abused by mothers too…it’s not just daughters. There are young men in jail serving time right now because of their mothers, and the problems began when they were young boys. There are men that don’t trust women because they were never able to trust their mother. Women that doubt their ability to be a positive contributor to a relationship because they never saw such in their mother; they fight not to be bitter because a bitter woman raised them and continued to tell them what they would never be.

Sistahs we can’t just hold men accountable to be good fathers…we ought not co-op Father’s Day as a time to drag terrible fathers versus celebrating good fathers if we don’t want that energy on Mother’s Day, and the energy exists. More women and men are coming to terms with their mom issues, and it is shattering, but in the honesty, they are working to rebuild themselves and realize that the abuse they lived with from the hands of their mother was not their fault. Mommy issues are more devastating them we have owned as a community. Because of who, and what, a mother is, we must do all we can as women to support each other and hold each other accountable as the bearers of life. We must walk with each other on this journey so that children are not experiencing horrors at the hands of the one who brought them into the world. This must be as much of a priority as getting father’s right. Children deserve to know the love of their mother. If you are experiencing hurt sistah please do the work to heal so that your innocent child doesn’t pay for what was done to you.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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