(ThySistas.com) Many of us grew up hearing we should treat others the way we want to be treated. It’s amazing how many of us hear these words, but live in an alternate reality while expecting others to follow the rule. It has always been important to the women I knew in my community to give people “their just do”. Basically, they matched energy. This was called mean, messy, rude even but it was understood that these are not the type of women that should be mistreated. It’s time to have an understanding in our sistah circles about the mistreatment we offer to each other while expecting to receive the best our circle has to offer. This behavior is hypocritical, damaging to each other, is toxic to the young girls watching this behavior occur, and it creates unrealistic expectations. I admit I am a fan of the golden rule; to many of us that do deal with the effects that come from not matching energy. If not careful not only are we mistreated, but bullying can occur.
You may not understand how this is fueling how your village behaves towards you. I’m sure you’ve heard some say “keep that same energy”. Well, maybe we need to take a page from that and give what we receive. Far too often we try to address those that don’t interact in a positive way, but resolution doesn’t come because said person might deflect or choose to disregard what’s being said. However, in many cases seeing and experiencing is believing. It’s time to make sure we give the same energy and support that is received in just about every space. If your sistah has been busy, projecting, and any time you talk to her the conversation is completely dominated by her life…no problem remove yourself. You have a life, and what is happening in that life is important.
It will feel uncomfortable at first, but when hell breaks loose sistah girl can keep the same busy energy. This important for your energy to remain honest. What you will find is when these instances of expected support with no return occur you will find yourself fussing to yourself when the person causing the fuss should hear what you have to say. This avoidance of necessary conflict can cause you to harbor negative energy that will affect your mood and can have a negative effect on your health. I don’t know about you but I’ll have headaches for a string of days, because the truth is I’m hurt and not handling it. It’s time for balance to be stored, and one way to achieve that is by giving the energy you receive…apologetically.
Consider this, when you allow yourself to be in a one sided situation where by you give support and receive none you set yourself up to hurt others. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a sistah say she’s shutting down. She’s through with everyone. She’s tired of everyone and refuses to take anymore foolishness. The problem with that is everyone is not the cause of her pain and disgust. Everyone should not have to pay for what a selfish one or a selfish few have done. Deal with the person that has you in this space. It’s important to stop the cycle of disregard by having the uncomfortable spaces.
I’m giving what I get, and I suggest you do the same. I will no longer continue to pour into a cup that doesn’t pour into me. No one is asking for perfection; you are asking for care. In this space I will be able to pour into those that care for and make me a priority. It’s important not to neglect those that love us openly and freely because we’re trying to win over the one that deals in a selfish manner. Yes you might get called petty and mean, but you know who you are. Giveing
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.