Tuesday, November 24, 2020


Do You Need New Friends?

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(ThySistas.com) Picture it: 2020.  You have people in your life who treat you like crap. You have people who make every type of excuse to keep from helping you. You keep sending text messages and attempting video chats with people who never reciprocate the same actions toward you.

And yet…you still call these people friends?  Wow.

Women have an incredible capacity for pain.  We can withstand bikini waxes, period cramps, and pregnancy contractions.  Just because we can handle these types of anguish does not mean we should. It just means we have the ability. There are times and places for those pains.   We have to get to a point where we know what a healthy relationship should look like.  It should not be a rebound from hurt. It should be a place of understanding.

So how do you know if you need new friends?  The first step is to know yourself.  You have to know what you want out of a relationship.  (I call friendships relationships because it is developing a set of commonalities with another person.) Do you someone you communicate with all the time or sparingly?  Do you want someone that is exactly like you or different? Do you want someone who will tell you the truth or sugar coat? Do you want someone who agrees with everything you believe or not?  I would love to tell you I know your answers to those questions, but I can not. I am not you.  Knowing yourself is a huge part of knowing the type of friendship relationships you desire.

After you decide what you want, let your friends know your expectations.  Those who intend on cultivating a relationship with you will adjust. They will also let you know their expectations so you can do the same.  Those who do not act as open or accepting are probably not as invested in your relationship as you think.  It may be time for you and them to go your separate ways.  The key, however, is making sure you both are willing to practice reciprocity in order to keep the relationship.

This is not an overnight process.  It takes time to admit what you want for yourself and what you are willing to do for others.  It is also a scary process because there may be faults in yourself you need to come to terms with in order to grow.  There may be insecurities you have to face before you ask anyone to be something for you.  However, once you overcome these issues, you are close to practicing self-care. You are closer to surrounding yourself with a village that cares for you and a village you are willing to invest in.

It took me until my 30s to realize why I had issues with keeping effective friendships in my life.  I did not know myself.  I was scared of sharing myself with people.  I also did not know what I wanted, but I expected everyone to read my mind. For the record,  people can not read minds.  Since they can not do that,  I had to learn myself in order for me to develop a love for others.  Now, I’m grateful to have a village of people who I consistently practice reciprocity with.  I take joy in having these people in my life, and I hope you are able to find the same joy.

Staff Writer; J. W. Bella

May also follow this talented sister online over at; JWB Writes.


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