(ThySistas.com) It’s hard to accept the fact that woman you love as a sister doesn’t support your endeavors genuinely. You begin to see it when there is a pattern of behavior that says if something goes well for you…something is wrong on her end. It is also apparent when you are facing your darkest hour she manages to always one up even your pain. Nothing in this life is about you…she will remind you of such often. Despite these red flags she’s always appeared to be in your corner and have your back when needed. This sister reminds you, every now and then, that you are capable of achieving all of your dreams.
Once or twice a year she will make a public declaration about how helpful you are to her life. In those spaces of positivity, you dismiss the red flags. You dismiss that you are often dismissed. You want to believe she’s just going through a rough season, but the harvest is on its way. You don’t want to allow yourself to think she’s jealous, envious, or just simply doesn’t wish you well. You don’t want to believe that the only way she can truly see you is if you don’t have anything more than her.
If you find yourself heavy in spirit when you should be on a high of achievement you must address the heaviness. If you take account of yourself and it’s not you…it’s time to access those you have allowed to be around you. This is the space by which you have to address, with self-first, the toxic presence of this sister. This kind of behavior will be confirmed when other mainstays in your life ask you why you still communicate with her or press you to address her behavior head on. You don’t have to sacrifice self-care, reciprocity, and peace to prove your allegiance to anyone. If this is the bind you have gotten yourself into, it’s time to get free.
Take the time to talk to the sister in verbal or written form and express the cycle you see. Let her know that you don’t want to feel dismissed, or abandoned, because she always feels the need to elevate her situation above everyone else. It’s important that she knows you want to be able to share just as she is able to do such. If you are able to come to an understanding, she just needed to know how you felt. Communication in any relationship is important as we are always learning more about the person we love, and how to be a blessing to them which doesn’t always stay the same.
However, if you are met with aggression, defense, disrespect, and what you are saying is not being heard you need to reconsider this relationship. You should not be made to feel guilty because you are expressing the need for fairness. When what you have or have accomplished is thrown in your face, while you are accused of throwing the past in their face for reminding them of the times you’ve been there…it’s time to walk away. The thing is this, that sister doesn’t wish you well. Even if she’s saying she wants to see you happy she has a hand in upsetting happiness, and she can’t celebrate you without calling attention to herself. When she can’t be there for you in times of need because it reminds her of where she isn’t at the moment…jealousy could be an issue.
It is understandable that you’d find it hard to leave a sister that has been with you so long. However, you must be honest about your relationship. At the very least you deserve the care you give. It becomes a dangerous space when we put ourselves in competition against someone that loves us. You don’t want anyone in your village that doesn’t wish you well, nor want to see you thriving.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.