Sunday, July 14, 2024

The Failure in Forgiveness.

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( Pettiness is trending lately with the resurgence of many going “tit for tat” with a person of conflict in his or her life. Getting that “one up” on someone and others witnessing it adds a morale boost one can not get from just embarrassment alone. What is the source of the desire for said pettiness? Lack of forgiveness. I have never seen a 7 letter word that could scare so many people. The art of forgiving is very intricate and is usually incomplete; we assume the choice to just release someone from their responsibility of wrongdoing is forgiveness. We deserve and can accept a forgiveness victory medal and cookie. Letting go, however is the first step. Forgiveness is a two step process. Choosing to NOT do the second step is usually where people fail.

Waiting to Exhale, the awesome movie based on Terry McMillan’s book, has a great soundtrack that included a song by Toni Braxton. Her chorus was very simple:

“Just let go

Let If Flow

Let It Flow

Let. It. Flow…”

A big theme portrayed by the experiences of the four main characters is forgiveness: Forgive exes. Forgive scrubs. Forgive shady family members. Release the animosity and healing can begin. Is this easy? No. What if people found out? Will they try to run over you? How does the person who hurt you receive reprimand for their actions against you? I want to tell you what you want to hear, but I would be lying. We may never receive an answer to these questions. If we fixate yourself on answering them, life passes us in a US Air Force Jet heading to a war. Instead, choose to focus on something more valuable to your precious time and life…whatever it may be. Finding value in things after letting go of negativity provides more fulfillment.

The second part of forgiveness is usually the more difficult action because it means actually reflecting and admitting the hurt exists. It is like looking at a mirror after burning our faces and coming to terms with why the burn happened and how we will live with ourselves because of it. The hurt happened because of our choice to allow the person to be a part of our life; this was a conscious choice by us that makes it more difficult to learn. Ladies and gentlemen, that is guilt. She is extremely selfish and will attempt to convince you at all costs that the person who hurt you owes you their life, their firstborn, and three goats.

However, once you get over that hump of guilt you can finally start to learn how from the situation in order to improve your life. Bernadine Harris had to learn this part of forgiveness in Waiting to Exhale. She had to admit to herself she allowed her husband to be too much of a focal point in her life. Guilt manipulated her into believing he should pay with blood…or his clothes and car. But…when she finally allowed herself to admit and move past the guilt, she learned to be a better person for herself and her children (with a little help from Wesley Snipes’ handsome character).

Failing at forgiveness does not mean failing at life. It just means growth. We have to understand that improving the ability to forgive takes experiences and maturity. It is not easy, but it is not impossible. Just remember to let go and learn. Oh, and do NOT burn up a car.

Staff Writer; J. W. Bella

May also follow this talented sister online over at; JWB Writes.

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