Thursday, July 18, 2024

Dating in Your 40’s.

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( I posted on Facebook recently, “What is dating in your 40’s like?”  Out of 37 comments of responses, it was a majority vote of basically saying, “Don’t even think about it.”  I’ve been in a committed relationship for a while now but as I approach becoming 40 years old next year, I always wonder what life is going to look like, including dating.  Although I expected a more positive response from my peers, I was totally shocked by the lack of suitable and eligible candidates out there for both men and women.

Of all the comments, this one was by far my favorite in regards to dating in your 40’s: “Like shopping at Salvation Army.  Most of its worn out, ripped, stained or out-dated, but you keep searching for that designer piece with the tags still on.” – MJS

As the queen of thrift store shopping, I could easily relate to this analogy and it was quite funny.  But that’s the premise of dating no matter what age you are, searching through possibly tons of people until you find that unique match for yourself and then you build around that match.  Of course I’ve been led to believe that the older you get the better your choices should get when seeking a partner to date.  According to this next comment, I was wrong:

“Honestly, it’s crazy.  I’m at that in between age (in his 40’s) …..getting craziness from both older and younger women.  Women treat me as an anomaly and are willing to “fight” for something that hasn’t even developed yet.  If I see someone more than 6 weeks, that’s progress.” – MF

Although the comments kept rolling in, the similarities were the same with words such as: no loyalty, disappointing, non-existing, no commitment, men aren’t mature, etc.  I am so eager to find a way to change this narrative to something more positive.  Let’s be very clear, my one social media post does not equate to the sum total of black love in your 40’s.  This post was made again to create dialogue and to look at life at a glimpse.  I believe you get out of relationships what you put into them.

As Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.”  The problem happens when the person has shown us who they really are, but we start thinking that they will eventually change or we enter into the courtship with predetermined expectations for that person that they are simply unable to meet or finally, they were never interested in having a long-term or committed relationship with you.  Dating in your 40’s may be a challenge but I have to believe that it’s possible to do and can be enjoyable with someone who you are equally yoked with.

Staff Writer; Felicia T. Simpson

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