(ThySistas.com) Relationships should, in part, be about reciprocity and fairness. Both parties should be willing to give what they require. The double standards often don’t fair well when trying to have a progressive productive relationship. It can often be difficult to communicate fairness with your partner when there is constant confusion, and pressure from various sources. Many women want to feel like their partner actually takes the time to listen when they speak. It’s not wrong to want someone that values your mind, and how you feel. You don’t want to have to play the guessing game regarding his emotions, not receive backlash resulting from information you did not know. No woman wants to feel like she’s competing with the memory of his past, nor an unrealistic expectation based on the hurt he’s encounters.
Let’s be honest, if he doesn’t trust anyone the relationship stands a high chance of failing because his trust in you should be based on your merit, and not his past experiences. If you are aware that he battles with mental illness of any sort, and you choose to move forward with him, it is only fair that his illness is not weaponized against you. He should not use what he’s dealing with mentally to attack you. Any of these patterns of behavior can lead to a very toxic relationship that can result in an abusive situation.
In our sister circles we confide in each other about the different versions of the situations previously mentioned that we battle. However, how often do we discuss situations by which we commit said offenses. If it is wrong for us o be treated in a toxic manner it is wrong for us to give that energy to our partner. It is important to acknowledge that we, as women, deserve to be treated like the queens we are. However, to justify that treatment we must offer king treatment to a man that treats us like a queen. We can’t give excuses as to why we never hear what he has to say, don’t take his feelings into consideration, or take out our frustrations on him. We can’t justify being verbally abusive to him while proclaiming “no man will talk to me that way”. No sister we can’t demand respect while being disrespectful. This is important because we must always be willing to give the reciprocity we demand. It is true, some relationships are one sided and its best we find a way to walk away because it is no good for us. Yet, there are times that we want to be right in a matter, and we speak to all the offenses he has committed while not being able to admit our own faults.
Men need to hold each other accountable for how they treat one another, and their partners. They need to look at each other and be able to say, “man you are the problem not her, and you need to fix it”. Well, in like fashion women had to have honest spaces whereby we can talk about out pain, but also be held accountable for how we treat those we claim to love. Every situation is not the man’s fault, as he has to evaluate himself so do we. Just as his behavior has a negative effect on everyone that encounters such the same can be said for us. The sisters that mean us well will be honest with us when we tell them what’s going on regardless of where the fault lies.
We must make sure we are not walking around broken from past situations, and harboring feelings that cause us not to trust those that have never given us a reason to suspect them. We can’t weaponize our situations and expect things to be okay. In this space we become toxic, and possibly abusive. We owe ourselves and partner better.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.