Saturday, July 20, 2024

You Need Boundaries.

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( You love your man, and you give him all you’ve got. If he’s hungry you cook. If he’s hurting you try to fix it. If he calls at 3am and you know you have to be up at 5am it doesn’t matter you are up. When he is unhappy you find that you are unhappy. Your heart’s desire is to build a life with him whereby both of you are becoming your best people together. This sounds like a beautiful picture. When we are working towards a goal we realize there will be sacrifices and challenges. Of course, nothing is perfect.

The problem arises when the level of commitment is not the same. You ignore every red flag in hopes that you have been loyal enough that he will see your heart, marry you and build a life. Human beings, may not always like it but, understand boundaries. Ladies, we cannot through in the kitchen sink when we don’t have a kitchen. At some point you will have to ask yourself where does your standards, which define your boundaries, lie. Granted every situation is not the same, but the need for your peace and self-care to be in tact is pretty universal.

Though you have a big heart and love well it is important to have boundaries in your life that send the message that you have a life, and that life is important. If you aren’t careful you will burn yourself out simply being a girlfriend and find that you don’t have the energy needed when you do become a wife. We are often told what we start out doing will become the expectation, and there is some truth to that. If you start out catering to his every whim, even when he’s willing to do for himself, you are creating the expectation that your life will revolve around your mate. That is a very dangerous message to send because you can only keep up that behavior for so long before you break. The longer this continues the more acclimated he becomes, so when you stop he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with you. If you have a life as a girlfriend…it’s easier to have one as a wife.

When you have boundaries, in a relationship, you give according to your standing. In a new relationship why are you getting up throughout the night catering to an adult? Give the rights and privileges of a girlfriend and build on it as your relationship evolves. One of the reasons we drastic devastation is experienced at the end of a relationship is we often give more than we should have, and that wasn’t reciprocated. It leaves on feeling cheated…when the truth is we created the environment for it to happen. No, it doesn’t excuse the ex, but understanding this can help prevent a repeat situation.

Lastly, there should be boundaries that allow you to have quality time to yourself to re-charge and administer self-care. Whether it’s getting your hair done, nails done, massages, pedicures, working out, meditation time, etc these things are built into your life for your care. These are spaces that have to be respected, and you will find that you are better for you, for your family, your man and friends.

Feeling your best allows you to give such. When that is the standard now a man knows this is a part of who you are…so the expectation has been set. Granted setting boundaries, if there hasn’t been any, can be difficult especially if you are accustomed to prioritizing others over yourself. However, you will find that it adds more balance to your life, and sets an expectation for those in your life.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

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