(ThySistas.com) When you are the strong part of a relationship its very easy for others to down play your pain and suffering. When you are not the one to lament openly you may find it seems your life tragedies are benched for what feels like the trivial issues of a toxic sister friend. Its’s okay to acknowledge when you need support, and you must be honest when you don’t receive such. Too many black women find themselves in unequal friendships devoid of real reciprocity.
One part feels like they have found a source of energy that is to be at their call whenever they call, and supply a continual amount to positivity their way at no cost. This is a very dangerous space to dwell in as it is draining, can put strain on other relationships, and it can cause internal resentment. It may be time to cut off sister toxic. It is not wrong for you to choose peace, and relationships that support you as you are supportive.
When you experience trauma, or a close loss you need those that love you to rally around you as you do all you can to stand. This is not the time to feel disregarded by the friend that feels her family, man or job issues are so important that your emotional state is disregarded. You may not realize it, but you won’t be able to let this kind of behavior go. It will eat at you that while you faced the worst moments of your life…you didn’t receive a phone call of uplift, or prayer…you received a call demanding such.
It is common for strong loyal women to excuse the behavior of the toxic friend because you love them, and your loyalty doesn’t seem to permit to you to walk away from them. This is the definition of being loyal to a fault. You must ensure your wellness before you can do such for others. If you know you were left on the wall of trauma by said friend…they are no friend to you.
No man worth his salt that loves you will sit around and watch you get hurt. He will come to detest said toxic friend because he will identify her as someone that takes from you when you are down. He will identify her disloyalty before you are ready to admit it. This can cause problems in your relationship when he moves to bring the issues of said friend to your attention. If you make excuses for her to this man, or get angry with him for standing up for you, this can push him away. If you are married this can cause a true rift in your marriage. Relationships are complicated enough; you don’t need to find yourself fighting with your man over a woman that doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Especially when you know your man is right, and his only concern is for your happiness and wellness.
Don’t allow yourself to continue to be drained by a so-called friend that doesn’t have genuine concern for your wellbeing. If you choose to confront said friend, know that their ignorance of said behavior doesn’t excuse such. Unfortunately, you may find they know what they do, and simply choose to take no accountability for their treatment of you. This can be hard to face, but walking away will save you more heartache down the line. There will come a day when you will face a tragedy you deem the worst in your life. In that moment you need to know those around you know how to be supportive.
When you are fighting to survive, struggling with the lost of a loved one, or have been violated in any way the last thing you need is to be asked how you are doing as a formality only to be dumped on. When you are there for sister toxic in her worst moments and you find the words and prayers, yet when its you the words are minimal know its time to cut that toxic situation loose. You deserve to be loved, and cared for as much as you love and care. Free yourself from the selfishness while you can.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.